In preparation for our Midwest trip starting late next week, my girlfriend Kelly and I made the two-and-a-half-hour trip to Six Flags America to validate our 2009 season passes (Kentucky Kingdom and Great America, here we come!). Kelly grew up not far from SFA, but hadn't been in about a decade. She (and I, based on my observations last year) was amazed how nice the park was. Her first words in the park: "I feel almost... safe!"
Anyway, we had a great time riding rides, emptying our respective savings accounts on lunch and watching the best horrible stage show in theme park history. Enjoy!
Yep, that's SFA all right! Note the trim pulling loose beneath the second "A" in America.
AKA Six Flags D.C.
And sure enough, there were flags! Six of them!
Why do parks have such a fascination with the Liberty Bell? You'll find representations at Kings Dominion and Idlewild (theirs is on a plaque), as well. SFA positioned theirs outside the men's room.
The "Spirit of '76" features three brave men who fought for our country's freedom. Later, Porky Pig would dance in front of them.
First coaster of the '09 season: Roar.
Someone apparently told the girl on the left this was a Vekoma.
Twisty coaster... with Coke!
Roar allowed me to "flyyyyy innntooo the danger zone!"
Next up: Wild One...
...which may or may not have been renamed the Nougatizer.
See the red cars on top? The next time you see them, they'll be back in the station.
Told you so!
Based on this shot, you'd think the coaster was located at some traditional park in scenic Pennsylvania... instead of just down the street from the murder capital of the United States.
The turnaround, for those of you who swing that way.
Take the tunnel!
A few Wild One facts. Because you know you were curious.
Following Wild One, we took a ride on the Cyclone.
Turns out it wasn't a cyclone at all; it was a Scrambler.
Is it just me, or does the Capital Railways logo look like Thomas the Tank Engine with his face whited out and a Six Flags logo pasted in its place?
The train, on the other hand, didn't look like Thomas at all. It looked more like a Ralph.
"The Disneyland and Santa Fe Railroad now boarding for a grand circle tour of Walt Disney's--" Oops, wrong park.
This is the park's other train. Her name is Beatrice. For $5, she'll do things Sir Topham Hat never dreamed of.
OMG! OMG! Backstage! OMG!
Who knew the entrance to Gotham City was through a roller coaster?
Why so serious?
Fun fact: That's also what your intestines look like after you ride it.
Jahan, we miss you!
"Easy on the nose as long as it's froze!"
Alpine Bobs is now The Avalanche. For those keeping track.
Which is the exact opposite of "Terminator: Ride of Wood."
Superman: champion of truth, justice and $30 T-shirts.
No Bizarro here!
See that big red "S"? That's how you know you're in SFA and not Darien Lake.
Going up (up and away)!
"We're done with the seatbelt check. You can put your arms down now."
The ride exited through Daily Planet Gifts...
...or should I say "Aily Panet" Gifts?
Batwing was right next door.
For those who need a primer, this is the Batwing, Batman's plane.
And these are the schematics of the Batwing.
This, on the other hand, is the Ba Wing. It's a roller coaster.
This is the Ba Wing's station, where Kelly went to wait in line while I stayed behind. Because rides like the Ba Wing make me throw up.
Bat-vehicles that are not similar in name to coasters at SFA include the Batcycle...
The sign actually bears very little resemblance to the real thing.
I was bored while Kelly was waiting to ride, so I busied myself by taking pictures of every sign in the cue. Now you get to see them, too.
"I enjoy laughing at your pain, Ba Wing riders! Wak wak wak!"
Speaking of signs this one has replaced the "My family comes here too" slogan used on all the trash cans and T-shirts last year.
As the day got hotter, Kelly decided to take a ride on Shipwreck Falls. Being Dan-like in my dislike of water, I stayed behind and took photos.
When it was all over, I caught her (in the purple) making eyes at the creepy-looking guy next to her. Good thing I'm not the jealous type!
Five flags, less fun?
Other rides in the park (that we didn't ride) included Pirate's Flight (because pirates are well known for their flying abilities, apparently)...
...Around the World in 80 Days...
...defunct water slides...
...Tower of Doom...
...Sonora Speedway (upcharge!)...
...Renegade Rapids (which wasn't operating that day--sorry, Michael)...
...and Mind Eraser.
And suddenly it feels like we're in Six Flags Over Texas....
If they put this on a shirt, Tyler would so buy it.
The cynic in me wants to believe Jeff Johnson would count this as a credit. So I will let the cynic have his way.
Well isn't that just funderful?
Apparently stuffed snakes were the hot item of the day!
By the way, did I mention this place has Looney Toons?
I say, I say, that there's Kelly with Foghorn Leghorn.
Come to think of it, the tenders we split for lunch must have come from a pretty famous chicken, too. For four of them, fries, two drinks and a small bag of cinnamon-roasted pecans we paid $22!
Now you can honestly say you've seen a picture of Marvin the Martian doing the Macarena.
This was the most exciting thing I saw all day! No, not Mr. Six... Porky Pig's butt!
After lunch we decided to cool off with a show in the Grand Theatre.
There, we saw two things we had never seen before: a coin-operated cell phone charger...
...and "Freedom: A Musical Tribute."
We were waiting for the 3:30 show... but we didn't know which time to believe!
OMG, was this thing bad! It was like they mashed together a bunch of random songs they could get the rights to and added patriotic lighting and a five-minute slideshow of people saying "The United States of America" over and over (really). On the plus side, at least the Osmonds' choreographer is still getting work! After the show, the performers stood by the exits and waved goodbye to everyone. I couldn't even look them in the eye... and not just because they told me to "Have a Six Flags Day!" What does that even mean?
My two-second review: It was air conditioned.
After the monstrosity that was "Freedom," we decided to clense our ears by taking in a performance by Billy Hill and the Hillbilles.
But instead we got "Rockin' the Country." And it was the same kids from "Freedom!" It was like they were following us!
Fortunately, they were better at singing country than the collection of minor hits of the '80s and '90s that populated the Grand stage. Plus there was table dancing!
Kelly even made a new friend.
By the time the show was over, our free babysitting services had just about ended, so we had to go pick up Kelly's daughter (whom we opted not to bring due to past park experiences) from her friend's house and start our journey home. Goodbye, Six Flags America! Thank you for being less scary than either of us remembered!
That was a great TR and it was hilarious, until I remembered,
I miss Jahan
Now there are few reasons for penguins to be awesome if they no longer drive people insane. Next year at WCB if we buy Jahan a penguin will it scare him and make him regress to his enthusiast ways(God I hope so,cause so far that's the plan)
Very nice TR, it doesn't surprise me at all to see things in the park falling apart (like that sign) at a Six Flags park. I am heading up to Six Flags Great America on Tuesday, will be sure to note things up there for my TR
I'm making my first trip to SFA later this summer. I'm going in with extremely low expectations, that way I won't be disappointed. Your TR makes it seem like it is not as bad as it once was. It seems clean and I didn't see you mention any breakdowns/closed rides. It really seems like it has potential to be a good park.
How were the employees? Lethargic and slow like I've heard or have they improved?
On a different note, I'm glad they opened the train up to everyone this year. That's a good step towards the family-friendly atmosphere SF is going for.
Skull Mountain seems like such a unique and fun ride. Can't wait to ride it!
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