Theme Park Review's 2008 Asia Tour!

Epic Asia Tour Re-Cap Update! Page 87!
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Discuss theme parks, roller coasters, and mules!
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Postby TheRapidsNerd » Sat Sep 06, 2008 11:05 am

Another great update and the JJ credit system never dissappoints. Man, some of those indoor rides really looked fun, even the tire drive spinner. Very cool!
Great group pic. And dude with Coolie hat is most fortunate.

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Postby coasterdude5 » Sat Sep 06, 2008 11:47 am

Very nice! Those disko-like rides at the mall look like they would be some awesome backyard rides!

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Postby Ryancrash » Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:02 pm

Pearl Land? Is that like, um, a pearl necklace?

That bag-o-cubed meat looks pretty darn tasty. I hope the rest of your trip continues to be an orgiastic affair!

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Postby Big Mike » Sat Sep 06, 2008 9:17 pm

Just read the whole update!

Here are some of Big Mike's views:

KidTums is soooooo adorable, I miss hanging out wth her.

Elissa is looking very beautiful!

I enjoy Dave and his cat in every group picture.

Best of all, Robb Dude, you are on fire with these captions! Report after report of brilliant and hilarious captions! Your unstoppable!

I am very pleased and content knowing that I have many many many future years of TPR trips to look forward to and hitting these parks somewhere down the road thanks to the awesome Alveys!

Love ya dude, Big Mike




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Postby philthephorce » Sat Sep 06, 2008 10:17 pm

Great TR, but a question:

If "track through a loop is like coaster porn, would Loch Ness Monster at BGE be like girl/ girl action?"

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Postby HerBlackWings » Sun Sep 07, 2008 7:03 am

Is that ALL Jeff Johnson?!!?

jeff johnson.jpg

My transgendered dreams have come true!!!
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Postby Mr. Starr » Sun Sep 07, 2008 6:00 pm

philthephorce wrote:Great TR, but a question:

If "track through a loop is like coaster porn, would Loch Ness Monster at BGE be like girl/ girl action?"

Two girls one cup?! (Vomits in mouth)

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Postby yankees15 » Sun Sep 07, 2008 6:03 pm

I have always thought Skycar looked like one of the BEST intamin rocket coasters. Finally seeing some quality pictures of it was great! This trip just looks like its so much fun!

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Postby robbalvey » Mon Sep 08, 2008 3:36 am

Today was another day of many parks! We first started out at Happy Valley in Shenzhen which was another awesome park! I never imaged we would encounter such amazing looking parks in China. Seriously, the Happy Valley parks are nicer than 80% of USA parks. The only thing that have lacking is the operations are a bit odd, but I think it has more to do with how the local culture navigates through the parks.

I think I may have even liked this park better than the one in Beijing, but without the B&M flyer the ride selection wasn't quite as good.

Next we visited Honey Lake Park. This was a strange, STRANGE place. When researching all these parks we were told that Honey Lake is basically on death row. Half of the park now has a new highway running right through it and you can see the old entrance on one side of the road and a defunct old roller coaster on the other.

Across the park they have one roller coaster that looked barely operating and a couple other flats that kind of, sort of worked. If you didn't see rides running you would think that this whole park had already been abandoned years ago.

Then the final stop for the day was Donghu park. I nice city park with a small amusement section that included two coasters and an alpine slide. Great little park, mostly for kids, but still a lot of fun!

Onto some photos...
We arrive at Happy Valley Shenzhen where they are celebrating 10 top hats full of sex and hot oil.
Just like the Beijing version, there was a Vekoma mine train, totally crazy themed and different from the other park and a bazillion times nicer than the Hard Rock Park version!
Some of the areas of the Happy Valley parks rival some of the nicest parks in the USA. This section here reminded me a lot of Fiesta Texas.
Dude, seriously, how many other mine trains outside of Disney have this much theming?
It was human melting hot...thankfully lots of random fountains kept us from dying.
Dave wasn't aware that his adult film success had reached China.
Yup, they had a Vekoma SLC just like the Beijing Happy Valley. At least aren't the same as every other damn SLC in the world!
And once again, everything here was pretty well themed.
The Chinese knock off Wacky Worm with the punching bee.
"This is the proper riding position for the Punching Bee coaster."
They also had one of those "Fire Academy" rides from Legoland, but this one you had to put out the fire on PLANE?!?!
In the shops you are encouraged to buy your kids machine guns.
Oh, look! They have a dark ride here themed to Santa Claus. How nice!
Wait a second...if this is a dark ride about Christmas and Santa Claus why do they have guns? OMG! It's a shooting dark ride themed to Christmas! This might very well be the BEST DARK RIDE IN THE WORLD!!!!
Here you get to play shoot em up in the kids room!
Shoot the elves! Shoot the mother f**king annoying god d**m elves!!!
Welcome Home! *KABLAM* *KABLAM* *KABLAM* F**KERS!!!!
Yup, another spinning mouse. Both Happy Valley parks we visited had very similar ride sections, but both were themed totally different.
The splash battle ride looked great...
And the splash down boat was one of the nicest looking we've seen.
And this awesome kids ride in the "Typhoon Bay" area where you ride in beds and bathtubs!
There is an educational section of the park where you can construct items out of wood....
....oh, look! You can make all the weapons you need to conquer the world!
You can also make Jeff's family tree!
There was a lot of meat on sticks...
And the mascots in the kids section like to check out their own feces!
This park seems to be doing some kind of name change though from Happy Valley to Happy Kingdom. Not sure what that was all about. Anyway on to our next park!
This is "Honey Lake" and at first glance it may look really nice. That coaster there is just sitting in the water rotting away. I don't think it's been opened in YEARS.
The coaster that was open was ALSO rotting away!
By the looks of the queue, I don't think this ride sees much love.
Although for a rusted out dilapidated coaster, it actually ran pretty good!
"Hey Mr. that a REAL space shuttle?"
The rest of the park had seen MUCH better days!
I don't think too many children will be playing today.
I don't think many children play here...EVER!
The water park seems to be closed at the moment...I think we'll wait it out though as it may be open a bit later.
Next up was Donghu park where we DID find kids playing! Donghu is a large city park with a small amusement section and an alpine slide.
And yes there is ANOTHER one of these knock off spinning coasters. We think the Chinese government forced all the parks to buy these!
It doesn't matter...we are dirty dirty whores and will ride anything!
Including ride the powered coaster! (Even kidtums got this non-credit!)
She loved it!
There was also this really AWESOME Alpine Slide. Not sure how long it is, but this had to be one of the longest I've been on.
Alpine Slide POV!!!
Bob ate poo-poo and now he knows what color his own blood is!
Before dinner we had a "McDonald's Appetizer."
Would you like fries or...CORN with that?!?!?
At dinner had a special guest! Mr. Chicken! Turns out Mr. Chicken's name was "Ed." He had quite an interesting past. He was a gansta rapper than lived in South Central Los Angeles. He didn't run with a very good crowd most of his life. There came a time though where he met a girl and started to turn things around because of her. On the night he was going to propose he went to a party where some of his friends got into a fight with some chinese mobsters. He was told that if he didn't come with them he would never see his woman again. After doing unmentionable acts to some birds living on the street he stood up for his rights and fought to come back to his true love. He almost made it out but was caught right before boarding a crate that would bring him back to Los Angeles. Today he was our dinner...and I gotta say, Ed tasted DAMN GOOD!
"I'm sorry things didn't work out Ed, but man, you made one great meal!"
Ed says "Can you eat my breasts first? I was very fond of them and I'd like to share them with you."
Tonight we crossed into Hong Kong...tomorrow Ocean Park!

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Postby Mickey_079 » Mon Sep 08, 2008 4:21 am

Ahh that chicken is odd... Really sickening. Poor Ed :cry:

You guys are visiting some awesome parks, and not to mention some very ghetto parks :)

Hope the rest of the trip goes great!


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