Before we begin, let's review the Dave's Rules Of Engagement For His PTRs:
- I like to write, earn a living from it, and think more people should read. So there will likely be more words than you are used to. Think of it as an educational opportunity.
- I will likely say something that will confuse and/or offend you during this report, unless the same random crap that rattles around inside my head all day long as does it in yours. In the immortal words of Tom Servo, "deal with it, pink boy!". Anyway, I apologize in advance.
- I suck at taking pictures. However, Falafel is quite good at it. So if you see a good picture in this report, Falafel took it. If the picture looks like it was taken by a sea monkey full of crack, then it's mine.
So Falafel (aka My Partner In Crime) and I spent much of the winter discussing taking some trips to parks. Most of these are local, but we decided that we'd like to take an extended trip, as it would give us more time to be idiots together (trust me, nothing entertains us more. As she has said "nothing cracks up Dave & Falafel like Dave & Falafel!"). We wanted to go somewhere that neither of us had ever been before, and we settled on Dollywood. This is a park that I have wanted to visit for quite some time, so I was cool with this. We decided to make a long weekend out of it, and check out some of the other stuff in the area. For a time, I wasn't sure that this was going to happen, as Falafel has a social schedule that rivals many global leaders, and I spend much of my time visiting doctors in an attempt to be able to see properly again. But we finally were able to do this the last weekend of May.
So after getting up really early, meeting at the Baltimore airport, and enjoy a breakfast of champoins (Auntie Anne's soft pretzels), we flew down to Nashville. We drove from there to the Dollywood area, amusing each other with random stories and spotting of odd roadside attractions. Oh, and breakfast at Cracker Barrel, which TN seems to be full of.
Hours later, we arrived in Gatlinburg, which is an interesting town. It's a lot nicer than I thought it would be, and is full of all sorts of tourist traps, many of which have the name "Ripley's" attached to them. The area is also full of sword and knife stores, which endlessly fascinated me (seriously, how many places do you need to buy swords from?!?). Our main objective was Ober Gatlinburg and the alpine slide, but we found some other cool stuff to do.
Anyway, enough of my yammering, let's go to the visuals!
Crappy pic that Falafel took showing what ungodly hour she had to get out of bed. But she was meeting up with me, so that should have made it better, right? Right?!? Yeah, I'm amazed she showed up too...
Southwest to Nashville. I haven't been on Southwest in awhile, and the new line up policy is about a billion times better than the old one. Seat assignments would still be better, though.
So what to do on the plane?!? Why look through the Sky Mall magazine, of course! And not only look through it, but play my favorite airplane game, "Find The Absolute Dumbest Thing In The Sky Mall Magazine". Which can be challenging, as it's full of useless crap.
And the winner is...a clock that tells you the day of the week! Yeah, this says a lot about our society. Sadly.
Second place was the Gold Plated Hard Drive. Because your gigs of spam emails and goat porn cannot be housed in anything shabby like a regular hard drive...
After a long drive and breakfast at Cracker Barrel, we have arrived at our first stop: Ober Galtinburg! Falafel is excited to be here! Actually, she's just happy to get out of the car and not hasve to listen to my pointless yammering for a few minutes...
To get to the alpine slide, you need to take the cable car to the top. This gives you lots of great views of the Smokey mountains and other cool scenery.
Here's Falafel enjoying the ride up to the top of the mountain, and...HOLY CRAP, THAT CRAZY OLD WOMAN IS GOING TO SHOVE HER FINGER INTO YOUR EAR!!! RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!!!
That crisis averted, let's return to the scenic views already in progress...
Falafel fulfills the fantasy of all the "part of the window in the photo" enthusiasts out there with this picture. You can thank her by sending me money. I promise to use some of it to buy her chicken nuggets or something. Seriously, I really will...
Some random houses in the mountains
We totally thought about buying this house, since we could put up random signs to delight and confuse people riding past. Or put on shark-related puppet shows for them on the deck. We're always thinking of ways to entertain America!
Why use nature when you can use a machine? (yes, this is one of those things that will make no sense to anyone. Just move along to the next one, i say).
Wait, we can be eaten by bears?!? Why the hell are we riding the alpine slide?!? Honestly, the slide is not all that great. It was fun, but I doubt I'd go up here again. This whole place is kind of strange, with a bunch of odd attractions that don't seem to go together, like live bears and ice skating. Though bears with chainsaws ice skating and chasing kids would be kind of cool.
Going back down the mountain. We pretty much just did the alpine slide, got some drinks, and moved on.
Returning to the bottom, where we will head for out next adventure! But what will it be?!? Well, you'll have to stay tuned for the next update, which will happen later tonight, as I have to head out to assist someone at a book signing, which should hopefully involve alcohol at some point. Thanks for viewing!
Always trying to keep YOU entertained! Now with more Ice Bat!
The world would be a better place if Dave programmed our iPods - Derwood
Meteornotes wrote:Before we begin, let's review the Dave's Rules Of The area is also full of sword and knife stores, which endlessly fascinated me (seriously, how many places do you need to buy swords from?!?).
What you do not know is that there is a large ninja population that hideout in the Smoky Mountains and lets face it, ninjas love to bargain shop.
Seriously, I have no clue while there are so many of those stores. You don't hear a lot about crimes associated with throwing stars or numchucks on the local news here, so I don't know who is supporting these businesses.
*wipes tears away * christ on a bike it's true. no one cracks up Dave and Falafel like Dave and Falafel. I thought i was gonna be a goner for sure with that old lady in the sky-trammy-thingy. Dave forgot to mention that the house we wanted to buy to put on shark based puppet shows is in fact a full size re-creation of the Barbie Dream Home. Only i hope not a straight up recreation, because i'm pretty sure that That one was a three story house with only one bathroom that only had a sink and tub in it anyhow. Of course, as someone pointed out, why would a person with no genitals need a toilet?
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