Today's random cruise report comes from the country of Belize! Can you guys Belize were in Belize? We can't Belize it either! Ok, ok.....I'm sorry....but we had to hear all the corny cruise ship jokes all day so we are now passing them on to you!
So today was AWESOME! We did the ziplines through the jungle and you know what the best part of it was?
*WE DIDN'T DIE!!!!*
Well, Joey almost died (see video clip below) and you'll nearly die too when you hear the noise that Joey made that is totally impossible for any human to duplicate. I swear he's part jew, part dolphin!
Anyway, on to today's photos and...yes....VIDEOS!!!!
WARNING! This was the first photo of the day we took...it doesn't get much better after this!
(SUCK IT JOW!!!!)
Yup, today we're going to Belize!
The tender we took to get on shore was NOT a "Dan friendly attraction!"
"Did I just get laid?" "No, Jow...of course you didn't!"
Welcome to Belize! Can you Belize how awesome the port looks?
Good thing we saw this sign because thanks to Joey's nasty farts erasing our memory, we had just forgotten where we were!
Good thing we're not on this bus since it's just "passing through."
Here we go! The "green bus of death" would get us to our destination "Rhino Rally" style!!!
It might not look pretty, but damn is it well built!!!
This was the nicest house in Belize.
I have learned so much about Belize in the last hour and a half.
"I got the hump seat."
"When do we get to go to tribal council?"
Please keep your hands and arms inside the jungle until it comes to a full and complete stop.
"Is now a bad time to tell someone that jews are afraid of heights?"
"Oh, please mr. zip line dude, just a little tighter...."
OMG Jow! You better be giving him one HELL of a tip! (and hey, at least Jow finally got some action, right?)
"The Special Olympics goes Zip Line!" (I'm totally going to hell for that)
"Catch me bitch! Jews don't do manual labor!"
"Wow, we've never had a mutant like you on this before!"
Amazing...those cables can hold ALL FOUR BOOBS!!!!
If you look REALLY closely, you can see Jewy's sh1t stain on the back of his pants!
Belizian Cave Cock
Rappelling was no problem for Jow. Although the guy who had to catch him was pretty pissed!
BEST. TOILET. EVER!!!!
Back on the green bus of death! We avoided oncoming semi's, dodged traffic over gravel roads, basically crapped our pants more than on the zip lines!
See! Jewy loves me!
Oh, look....something you don't see at every cruise ship port!
OMG! Hottest girl in Belize! If you'd like to just pause looking at the update now, and come back in about 5 minutes we'll totally understand. Oh, who are we kidding? You'll be back in 30 seconds!
"The big cat of coasters...."
Is there a caption really necessary for this picture? I mean, we're three total retards, who couldn't score with the girl above if our testicles being crushed in a vice depended on it. So yeah....
Sunset in Belize. How nice. Blah......
Our ship is out there....somewhere....
"Hey Dan...how's it going?"
Dude, is that Leonardo standing on the front!?!? Look closely!!!"
So, yeah, it's a big boat...what else do you want me to say?!?!?
What's this?!?! Elissa eating NORMAL food! Oh thank god maybe KidTums has a chance!
While it's just Chili...it's cruise ship chili...so it has to look sexy!
And today's "Penis Sculpture" is.....baby tomatoes and asparagus!!!
Jow surrenders!!! Just like the French!
Mom is role playing. "I'll be the nun if you'll be the priest!"
"Italian Night" in the dining room is also "beat the sh1t out of each other with napkins" night. Why? We have no idea!!! But it was great smacking Jewy around.
Jow tries to score....again....fails.....again!
Jewys got a chance because he used the pick up line "my penis might only be three inches, but some women like it that thick!"
It's coming out the same way it's goin' in....warm, gooey, and brown!!!
"Hey girls....if you do me, I'll give you this free strawberry ice cream!"
Little Penguin and Mr. Elephant Cock towel animal have a lengthy conversation about the world we live in and live in Hamburg.
Some chef was either: A. sexually frustrated or B. LAUGHING his freaking ass off when he made this dessert.
Jow has named this one "Harold" after his 3rd and favorite boob.