Alright everyone! Pull up a chair, grab a beer and watch the f*cking tram car because it’s time for Wildwood Weekend Part 2!
When Boldikus showed up we had already hit many of the rides on Mariner’s Pier, but we decided to take the opportunity to re-ride a few things (like Riptide and the Boomerang) before heading over to Surfside. Brit and I also took the opportunity to ride Moby Dick, which is apparently a staple of every Jersey Shore park. Boldikus insisted that we both ride it on the far end but also made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t coming with us.
As soon as the ride took off I understood why he insisted we ride. This thing is borderline insane, and I have no idea what crazy a**hole thought it would be a good idea. It was a laugh fest, but if I was prone to motion sickness at all I’m pretty sure this thing would have killed us. Initially I assumed this is why he didn’t want to ride, but after seeing the pictures I wasn’t sure if he was prone to motion sickness or if he just wanted a picture of me smiling under a huge flashing light up “Dick” sign for future TPR memes / blackmail purposes.
After stumbling off the awesome Moby Dick ride, we finally decided it was time to make our way down to Surfside. Boldikus made sure to show us all of the cool places along the way, including all of the awesome boardwalk food. Since we were only there for one full day, I made it my mission to try one of everything. I have to admit, I’m a little fuzzy on the order in which everything went down. Part of that is because it was 6 months ago, the other part was because of the alcohol. That being said I’ll just fake it till I make it.
On the way to Surfside we made a few pit stops. The first was at Capt'n Jack's to start things off right with a few Rum Runners.
While enjoying our drinks, Boldikus informed us of the ongoing pizza war taking place in Wildwood. Every good boardwalk has a pizza war. We’re all too familiar with the Rehoboth Beach Grotto vs. Nicola war (deguy123 is on the losing side of this one, lol) and apparently Wildwood was a pizza war between Mack’s and Sam’s. We started out with slices from Sam’s, Boldikus was of course being totally unbiased as he wanted us to make up our own minds without any outside pressure. Trying to remain as unbiased and professional as possible he informed us that the pizza we were about to eat was pretty much sh*t and expressed his concerns over the fact that his family was corrupting his little nephew by making him eat it.
In all seriousness the pizza was very good. It was basically New York style but I was impressed. I was excited to see if Mack’s would be able to top it, but I was even more excited to ride Zoom Phloom so we would have to wait to finally find out.
See that right there? That’s a cliffhanger. I know… you’re all probably on the edge of your seats to see what pizza we liked better. I don’t blame you. This is some important sh*t right here. Also, I’m aware that there’s no picture of the pizza. Is it because we didn’t take one? Is it because I just like pissing people off by not including food pictures? The world may never know.
At this point I had been deprived long enough, so when we arrived at Surfside we weren’t wasting time. Surfside Pier was absolutely packed full of coasters, great flat rides and an awesome Larson tower but we weren’t about to be distracted by any of that trivial bullsh*t. We had phlooming to do.
As I had mentioned earlier, this was the thing that finally sold me on Morey’s and it absolutely didn’t disappoint. In my humble opinion this is the best ride in Wildwood by far and possibly the best ride in the state of New Jersey not named El Toro. I may be alone in that opinion, but I don’t particularly care. Not only is it a long ride that provides an acceptable amount of wetness, but the PG13 under the boardwalk portion was hilarious and the ride’s location within a few feet of the “great” Nor’easter was super cool. This thing is complete perection on it’s own, but the location and it’s interaction with the other rides makes it even more awesome.
After the Flume we decided to work our way around Surfside a little bit more. Our next stop (maybe… who the hell could remember but roll with it) was AtmosFEAR. This is a Larson tower, and one thing we learned from the Knoebels tower is that these things are holyf*ckingsh*t awesome. You have no concept of when you’re near the top of the tower, they don’t stop at the top, you just drop. I absolutely love these things because they offer ejector air all the way down the drop and once you reach the bottom it stops on a dime which makes you feel like you’ll crash through the boardwalk and become theming for the “under the boardwalk” section of the Log Flume. I guess since we’ve all got to go sometime, being one with the log flumes would be an appropriate last wish. Lol
Anyway, the ride did eventually stop and we’re happy to say we survived. That tower (like all Larson towers) is awesome. The awesomeness of their drop towers makes me really excited for the future of the industry now that they’ve entered the coaster market and brought their incredible brand of thrills to Six Flags parks across the country.
After the drop tower we walked around the pier a little more and hit some flat rides. I’m pretty sure our next stop was the flyers which had an awesome lighting package (this is a recurring theme) and even though they were Larsons, the ocean breeze made them slightly snappable and the location of this ride is awesome.
Okay, for real this time. Sorry.
After that we figured it was time to hit up some coasters. On paper, the coaster selection on this pier isn’t all that impressive. They have more coasters than the other piers, but the selection consists of a small portable coaster, a wild mouse and a Vekoma SLC. Two of those coasters rode exactly as we anticipated but one was a pleasant surprise.
Our first stop was Flitzer which turned out to be a really solid little ride. It’s basically one giant helix but for some reason it’s a ton of fun. The loading procedure is hilarious as it requires you to put on not one, not two, but three seatbelts. The ride then launches you out of the station using a drive tire that someone accidentally switched from “normal drive tire” mode to “Incredible Hulk launch tunnel” mode. It then proceeds up the weird looking lift hill around an endless helix and (because this thing totally doesn’t have block sections) once it reaches a point in the track where the ride op feels like you probably won't get smilered they launch the next car at the lift hill at an unreasonably fast speed. Finally the ride ends with some compact, surprisingly fun banked turns that seem like the byproduct of someone trying to build the finale of El Toro with a $10 budget and a pile of scrap metal they found in the back yard.
Honestly I don’t know if this review sounded positive or negative, but I mean all of these things in the most awesome way possible. The ride is shady as hell but that’s what makes it so cool and somehow it might be the second best coaster in Wildwood.
After Flitzer we headed over to Doo Wopper which is the park’s Wild Mouse. Apparently it’s themed to McDonalds which was kind of cool, but sadly the ride was very forgettable. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t overly good either. I’m not sure if that was part of the McDonalds tie-in or what but that coaster was entirely forgettable. By that point though we didn’t mind, because it had already become apparent that coasters weren’t the focus of Morey’s. Sure they have some super-fun coasters, but the insane flat rides, great flume and awesome boardwalk were the draw here.
Speaking of awesome flat rides, I think we’ve gone too long without talking about the most insane (non up-charge) flat ride of them all, “it”.
I didn’t have high expectations for “it”. Dorney has sort of given KMG fireball rides a bad name for me but that was about to change because “it” feels like they took Dorney’s piece of sh*t Fireball ride, put lap bars on it and then switched the ride from it’s original operating mode of running on a standard electrical feed to running purely on some ultra-specific mixture of cocaine and Five Hour Energy shots.
I honestly can’t even find the words to describe “it”. Despite it’s small size, it absolutely blows the larger models like Delirium and Maxair to hell. This ride is completely mental and everyone who hasn’t experienced it really needs to. The lap bars are just the icing on the borderline-psychotic cake. WTF???
After experiencing the greatness that was “it” we were about ready to end our Surfside pier experience on a high note with a few orange crushes before heading down to Adventure Pier to ride Great White but we were suddenly hit with the crippling realization that ending on a high note wouldn’t be an option.
Unfortunately for us there was still one coaster left to ride, and it was by far the biggest steaming pile of sh*t on any of the three piers. Before we were allowed to ride the steaming pile of Vekoma greatness we had to walk through a metal detector and put everything in a fluffy, fluffy bunny filled with medicine and goo. This was a nice touch because I’ve often wondered to myself if it was possible to make the Vekoma SLC experience any more terrible and was never able to come up with a way to do that, but merging the experience with an airport style TSA experience was a great solution.
As far as the ride itself, a stupid part of me was kind of optimistic at first. The view from the lift hill is stunning and with the new and improved vest restraints I did temporarily feel as if I had reason for optimism. That ended in a hurry though as soon as the ride started down the drop.
With the new restraints, the ride was completely free of headbanging but it was easily the most jarring and terrible SLC we had ever experienced and that’s obviously quite an achievement. That being said, the view is awesome and the interaction with nearby rides is really cool so I’m really hoping this refurbishment pays off. As of last year though this thing was so bad it was almost amazing. Boldikus and I both walked off that ride with a bit of a headache and Brit didn’t even wait for us at the fluffy, fluffy bunnies filled with medicine and goo because she was determined to get as far away from it as possible and never look back so we all decided that it was time to go to the bar… go straight to the bar… do not pass go… do not collect $200.
I have to say, the rooftop bar on Surfside might just be the best thing ever and after a few sips of our orange crushes we had already forgotten our traumatic ride on that Vekoma train wreck and were back to enjoying our epic Wildwood weekend. After a few crushes we were more than ready to head down towards the adventure pier and experience the star coaster (and star pizza) of Wildwood.
Part 3 coming soon…