Okay everyone, it’s finally here… the long awaited Jersey-Shore-Credit-Whore-Tour-2016-Ft.-Boldikus,-Alcohol-and-The-World's-Greatest-Log-Flume-Watch-The-F**King-Tram-Car-Please-You-Drunk-A**hole Trip Report ® This trip report will most likely never live up to the hype, so as with all of my trip reports you should probably set yourself up for disappointment ahead of time. lol
Anyway, this was a trip that was really a long time in the making. Despite growing up just a few short hours away, I had never been to Wildwood. The coaster lineup doesn’t look like anything special on paper and having spent my entire life driving past New Jersey to go to the beach in Delaware and hearing about how sh*tty the Jersey Shore was I never really had the urge to go.
Recently though I’d been hearing a lot about how Wildwood was the lone bright spot of the Jersey Shore and how I really needed to check it out. Our old neighbors from Philly always gushed about the place and Boldikus had been doing the same ever since we met him at Cedar Point and had been hounding us about it on a regular basis. We were still on the fence but at some point he shared a Zoom Phloom POV that finally sealed the deal. Any place with a flume like that was clearly worth visiting, and Brit and I both decided it was time to go and see if Wildwood really lived up to the hype (spoiler alert: hell yeah it did!).
At that point we were faced with the nearly impossible task of finding a hotel room on a summer Saturday at the beach and eventually found a little place called Beach Colony. We always try to stay at name brand hotels, but these simply don’t exist in Wildwood. This hotel was way cheaper than any of the other ones we came across, but still came in at $200 for one night so we figured we’d just bite the bullet and however sh*tty it was, we didn’t care.
Room booked, we let Boldikus know that everything was locked in and this sh*t was finally about to go down. We made plans to meet up on Saturday at Mariners pier (I think) which is the middle one (I think… IDFK) right around noon where we would begin our 12 hour long binge of coasters, flat rides, log flumes, alcohol, frozen custard and an unimaginable a**load of delicious pizza.
Our trek began on Friday night, we had initially considered staying in Wildwood that night but given the insane hotel prices we opted to stay about an hour away and get up early to beat the traffic. Of course, this meant we needed to find something to do Friday night but the coaster gods were smiling down on us and after a quick glance at coasterqueue we realized that despite the great weather, Six Flags Great Adventure was completely deserted for some reason and every single coaster was a walk-on! We didn’t understand it, but we weren’t complaining. This weekend was already awesome.
We were only at Great Adventure for about 2 ½ hours, but in that time we managed to get a ride on Nitro, the Log Flume, Skyway, Batman, Joker, Kingda Ka in the front row and El Toro twice. A few weeks earlier we had visited on a Bring a Friend Free day where we got on less rides in an entire day at the park so we were pretty much in heaven.
Empty rides everywhere!
After closing down the park with a few bull rides, we finished our drive, checked in to our hotel, called in our way too early wake up call and tried to rest up for the awesomeness that lay ahead.
A few hours later we awoke and were pleased to find our car exactly where we left it (we were really close to Atlantic City so this was a pleasant surprise). In addition to that shocking turn of events, we were greeted by absolutely no traffic and absolutely flew all the way to Wildwood.
I don’t even remember what time we got there, but it was much earlier than we anticipated. We were probably about 4 hours early so we decided to head over to the hotel and see if we could park there for the day but as we pulled up we realized there was absolutely no room to spare.
Good Morning Wildwood!
Being used to normal hotels, we planned on leaving and checking in when we got back after midnight but at the last minute I decided to pop in and ask about the parking situation / rules since street parking appeared to be free but something was telling me that on a summer weekend, 2 blocks from the ocean that was too good to be true. Amazingly though, that turned out to be the case. Free parking 2 blocks from the ocean in the summer AND free beaches? Damn Wildwood, you’re just showing off. We told the woman who worked (and clearly lived) at the hotel what the situation was and she informed us that the office / front desk closed at 8 PM (LOL WTF?!?!?!?!) so they would leave our key on the bed with the door unlocked (LOL WTF?!?!?!?!) since we would be a late check in. Thank god we decided to pop in or we would have been screwed… what kind of hotel has a front desk that closes EVER, let alone at 8PM? WTF is this place?
Walking out of the office I somehow felt even more confused / terrified about our hotel situation than before (even though it was a $200 room which might actually be the most expensive hotel room I’ve ever stayed in because we’re f*cking klassy like that) but we figured we’d just move on and walk away from the weird a** lady and her weird a** motel and pretend it was all just a screwed up dream.
For those familiar with Wildwood (so not us, lol), our hotel was actually in Wildwood crest, making it about 2 miles from the piers. At first we had planned to drive and park in Wildwood or take a cab / uber but since it was a nice day and since we were so early, we decided instead to take a long morning walk down the beach and take our time getting into town.
Don't you ever forget it
After a nice walk along the water we finally reached the boardwalk and decided to finish our walk up there to take in the Wildwood atmosphere. We shot Boldikus a text but still had some time to kill so we decided to check out a few shops, grab something to eat and people watch a little bit.
At one point we were surprised to hear the national anthem being played all through the town on a PA system, followed by a doo wop style Wildwood song that’s so annoyingly catchy that it was probably stuck in my head for at least a week, and is now back in my head simply because I decided to include it in this report. We thought this was kind of strange, but we also really liked it and it only added to the cool party atmosphere of Wildwood.
Every tourist is obligated to take this picture
After grabbing some awesome roast beef sandwiches for breakfast (don’t judge us, lol) it was finally time to grab our wristbands and let the real fun begin. Boldikus wasn’t there at opening but he told us to hang out on Mariners pier and to ride Rollies Coaster since he had no intention of riding the piece of sh*t.
We made it!
We did as instructed and made that our first stop of the day. For those unfamiliar with it, it’s a Pinfari Zyklon that for some reason has over the shoulder restraints and 4 person cars. Brit was not overly pleased with how shady this thing was so of course once we were locked in I decided to do what any good fiancé would do and fill her in on the latest news from M&D’s In Scotland where a coaster by the very same manufacturer derailed and the entire train went barreling into a kiddy ride at full speed (PS: That’s still my favorite ride accident ever, 100%. I don’t think any accident will ever top that one and the best part is that since nobody was killed I don’t even feel bad for laughing about it). Wait… what were we talking about? Rollies Coaster? Sorry, this coaster is so forgettable and stupid that I guess I figured I’d much rather laugh at M&D’s again. My bad.
To be fair, the ride was fine. I didn’t dislike it, but it didn’t really do anything. After that we hit up a few more rides which were all much more enjoyable. They have 2 weird monorail style rides. One of them is human powered and themed to seagulls, the other powers itself and is way more suitable for a complete lazy a** such as myself so of course we opted for that one. The cars looked like little flying pirate ships which was awesome and it gave you a really cool view of the beach and waterpark.
Mariner's Pier from above!
After that we hit a few more rides like Pirates of Wildwood (which is like Pirates of the Caribbean if you were on acid… seriously, this thing is so weird it’s awesome and everyone needs to ride it), the Ferris Wheel, the swings (I’m not a swing guy, but the placement of these is awesome and we ended up loving them) and the Boomerang which is honestly one of the better boomerangs I’ve ever been on and is brilliantly intertwined with the shops below. I enjoyed Sea Serpant so much I actually felt kind of bad about it, lol. I don’t say this much about Boomerangs but I could ride that thing all day.
The pirate ride! No, not the acid trip one... the other one.
After our second ride on it though we got a text from Boldikus that he had finally arrived, so we headed to the front of the pier to meet up with him and officially get our coaster / boardwalk food / awesome flat ride and orange crush / rum runner party started.
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