boldikus wrote:A little birdie told me the next chapter to this epic missive is ever-so-slowly coming together
The little birdie was correct, as was the emphasis on the phrase "ever so slowly"...
For anyone who thought that the long wait time between part 2 and part 3 was because I was compiling an epic trip report to end all trip reports, I’m sorry in advance. The true reason for this is because I’m amazingly lazy. Rest assured that I haven’t been doing sh*t and you should immediately lower all expectations. I wanted to apologize for this though because this is a Canadian trip report and nothing could ever be more Canadian than telling people you’re sorry. Apologizing is Canada’s national pastime.
Anyway, after leaving La Ronde we decided to go back to the hotel and take showers to wash off all the suck left over from spending the morning at the park before heading into the city. La Ronde just sort of makes you feel dirty… not sure why.
Anyway after a quick pit stop we decided to head into the city with the help of Siri and her sh*tty French accent. This b*tch seriously needs to brush up on her culture. We didn’t really have much of a plan, we knew we wanted to head over to Old Montreal and check out a few things but for the most part we were only interested in eating and drinking our way around the city.
Our first stop was the Notre-Dame Basilica.
This is pretty much the Times Square of Montreal (only not terrible) in that every single tourist absolutely HAS to go here. You don’t get a choice in the matter. As soon as you decide that you’re going to be a tourist in Montreal, you’re contractually obligated to go visit the church and loudly gush about everything in it as if you’re all of a sudden an expert on 19th century gothic architecture.
I won’t bore anyone with the backstory on the church. Anyone who’s been to Montreal and did anything other than credit whore La Ronde has already been there (because again… you were contractually obligated to go), and anyone who wants more information can Google it but it was really cool.
This next picture was taken in the back of the church. Apparently they have another church inside the church.
“Yo Dawg, I heard you like church, so I put a church in your church so you can go to church while you’re in church”.
Between all the Jesus stuff and the terrible theme park stuff we decided it was finally time to do what we do best and get something to drink. Old Montreal is full of cobblestone streets (many of which are closed to traffic) with French eateries with tons of outdoor dining options. The whole area is oozing with culture and it didn’t take long before we both fell in love with the city.
We settled on a little crepe place where we proceeded to eat and drink a few hours away. Montreal has an incredible craft beer selection so I decided to try a little bit of everything while we were there. Since I couldn’t pronounce most of what I was drinking I can’t really give any reviews, but I recommend that anyone who enjoys craft beer go to Montreal and just try a little bit of everything.
For dessert we opted for the “Maple Syrup crepe” because it sounded amazingly cultural and Canadian. We were clearly hammered at this point because as we sat there drinking and thinking about how cultured we were about to become by eating this crepe it never occurred to either of us that a maple syrup crepe is a $12 pancake and we’re officially the dumbest tourists on planet earth.
Now that we were sufficiently intoxicated we decided to walk around a bit more and see what the city had to offer. Most of Old Montreal is littered with little shops (some of which are very quaint and cool and others are your typical overpriced touristy crap featuring everything they could possibly fit a huge red maple leaf on), restaurants and bars and the streets are full of musicians and street performers. It’s really a great place to hang out and kill a few hours.
Eventually though we made our way down to the Old Port area. Unlike Old Montreal, the Old Port has no charm at all and is a complete, unapologetic tourist trap. They had a Cirque show, a ropes course, a terrible overpriced zipline and an outdoor market. While not cultural at all, it was a fun area and I can’t resist a good tourist trap. Since Brit was drunk I was hoping I could convince her to do the ropes course, but sadly that wasn’t to be so we decided (for some reason) to rent a paddle boat.
When we rented the boat we were told that they had to give us life preservers but they didn’t give a sh*t if you actually wore them, they just directed us to a boat, pushed us off the dock and didn’t tell us how to steer the thing.
To a normal person these instructions probably wouldn’t have been necessary, but since we were pretty drunk and had never actually been on a paddle boat the first half of our excursion was spent doing donuts in the middle of the lake until we finally started heading out into the river which was thankfully barricaded off so we didn’t end up taking our paddle boat back to La Ronde. Once we realized that if we didn’t get back in 30 minutes we’d be charged for another half hour we finally managed to get it back to the dock, just in the nick of time. It was a lot of fun, but we both agreed that we were never doing it again. F*ck paddle boats.
After our disastrous boat excursion we walked around a little more until we realized we were losing our buzz and decided to grab some dinner. We knew Montréal was known for Crepes, Pizza and Poutine so we decided to cross the second one off of our list and started searching our phones for the best pizza in Montreal (seriously… how did people travel before smartphones). Obviously there was some disagreement, but we settled on a place called “Bevo” which was in old Montréal with outdoor seating and relatively close by.
I have to admit that I’m really a pretty huge pizza snob. I live in New York and grew up on NY pizza, so if I’m not in New York, Chicago or Elysburg, PA I rarely ever eat pizza because it’s mostly all sh*t but this stuff was life changing. Huge gobs of mozzarella, awesome brick pizza ovens… holy crap. Everyone who visits Montréal needs to get some Montréal pizza. BELIEVE THE HYPE!!! Also, as with every other restaurant in Montréal they had a great craft beer selection. I basically turned the entire day into a giant “Beers of Montréal Flight” only without the stupid, tiny flight glasses because life is way too short for that.
After our late dinner we were pretty exhausted between the morning at La Ronde (which in itself is exhausting), walking around in the sun, drinking a metric f*ck ton of beer and eating an equally impressive f*ck ton of food so we decided to head back over the bridge to our hotel in Le Daphin, Daulphin… Dolphin… whatever. I think it means Dolphin. Holiday inn Dolphin Edition. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light with visions of Poutine and beer dancing in my head.Part 4 to follow: featuring Poutine, a huge cross for some reason, beer, a log flume and coasters!