Heide Park is a place I've always wanted to visit because it just looked so cool. Plus, Collossus. Duh. We stayed at Hotel Port Royale, which was incrediballs. The showers alone made the price of the trip worth it and I'm not even close to joking about that. If you ever get the opportunity, you'll understand.
We had the most insane ERT session in the history of ERT, as well. Imagine, if you will, a group of 48 TPR members riding Collossus for an hour nonstop in the POURING RAIN! Yup. And it wasn't just any pouring rain. It was big ol' fat rain. The kind of rain that leaves welts when you run into it at 70mph. I think I got to ride 10 times in a row while it was raining. I was soaking wet, freezing cold, and in stinging pain from being pelted by the rain, but I LOVED IT!!!! We were also given ERT on Krake and Desert Race in the morning, as well as the first ride on Limit of the day.
Krake - Awwww, such a cute little dive machine! Surprisingly, though, this guy packed a punch. The drop into the ship was great and there was a nice airtime hill. It was short but did its job well. The massive wave it forms is almost as tall as the immelmann!
Big Loop - This ride was very pretty and the landscape work surround it was top notch. The ride itself is painful. It's a slight variant of a typical loopscrew.
Collossus - Wasn't this the first ever Intamin woodie? It still holds up. It's not El Toro, but it still gives a ton of airtime and a nice, smooth, fast ride. The ERT will go down in history.
Desert Race - Though I've never ridden Rita, I have no doubt I'll love it, seeing as this is a clone. There's just something about fast and twisty Intamin launchers that I can't get enough of, no matter how small they are.
Grottenblitz - FIGHTING HORSES! This was a small powered coaster that interacted with Analfart...I mean, Kanalfahrt. There's an indoor portion with trees and angry fighting horses.
Indy Blitz - Credit whores, all of us. It was fun to watch the reaction of all of the families as we took over the ride, though, haha.
Limit - Vekoma SLC! I'm sure the photos Robb and Hanno got of Ken and I in the front seat are comedy gold. I can't wait to see them.
Schweizer Bobbahn - This is the best bobsled I've ridden. It's huge! It keeps on going and going and seems like there is no end, and you're destined to ride it forever. Just then, the brake run shows up. I really enjoyed this thing.
Breakdance - One of the rides of Hussland. It's a breakdance. Yup.
Hochbahn - This was just a monorail. It offered some nice views, that's about it.
Analfart / Kanalfahrt - We rode it just because of the name, which by now is legend.
Lady Moon - Hussland! I think this is a Tip Top? Whatever it is, it looks way more intense than it actually is. It was still a fun ride, though!
Mountain Rafting - In the words of Dan, "WHAT THE F$%@?!" Nobody got wet at ALL on this ride. Nobody. Except Dan. We were moving right along, enjoying the river, and we entered a tunnel. Dan looks around, sees a teeny, tiny wave, thinks nothign of it, only to have a huge rush of water come over the raft and all down his back and lap. "WHAT THE F$%@?!" indeed, sir. It was a very fun raft ride, but Dan got screwed, haha.
Panorama Turm - They really pack this observation tower tight. I'd swear it was designed for children.
Scream - Intamin gyrodrop goodness! It was a pretty darn tall one, too! The drop was great. I wish the weather were better for the view, though.
Slide O' Death - Unfortunately, due to the wet weather, the slides o' death were essentially off limits. That didn't stop us from attempting a few of them, though! There could be some language in these vids, btw.
Dan was the only one man enough to brave the spiral slide.
There was also a walkthrough haunt that was brand new right next to Krake, though I can't remember the name of it. It was themed to Krake, as well. It was short and confusing as hell, but the effects were top notch. I got yelled at by an angry german woman for opening a door before I was supposed to. Whoopsie.
These two idiots climbed out of their boat and got stranded.
^ Oh, it was fun. They used a lot of the fake HD-screen "windows." The second room had a really cool effect of going underwater and the water turning to blood while a crazy German prattled on and on about who knows what, but only got more maniacal as it went on, hahaha.
Unfortunately, guys, I don't have a whole lot of photos of these parks. Schlossbeck I think I got more video than anything, and Moviepark Germany was just a park full of cookie cutter rides that I didn't really feel the need to break out the camera for.
Schlossbeck was our first stop. Everything you've heard about this small little glorified playground is true. It is pure craziness that would never see the light of day in America. Every ride aside from the Tivoli coaster was self-operated and there were kids running amok everywhere you looked. The playground section of the park was especially cruel to me...or at least Robb, Hanno, and the rest of the usual suspects were. A group of us got trapped on a torture device that spun forever and ever. Once we were freed from that hell, I got the bright idea to go check out a smaller spinning contraption...and was promptly followed by everyone and trapped on it alone for what felt like an eternity. I really hope Kevin and the rest of the people who broke out their video cameras post those soon.
Nautic Jet - It's small and looks innocent enough, but it will pucker your butthole for a moment. That moment is when the boat is flying through the air with nothing to guide it. If you're lucky you'll get a wave of malaria-infested water all down your back, too! I really loved it!
Luna Loop - It wasn't as crazy as I was hoping, but it was still fun. It's a two-seater car that runs a circular track and the passengers control whether they want to flip forwards, backwards, or not at all. Good times!
Waterslides O' Malaria - There were two self-service innertube waterslides hidden in the back of the park. They were covered with algae or mold or whatever. We still rode them! One was an uncovered double or triple dip. The other was an enclosed twisty one, which you can watch below -
Slides O' Death - There were two types of Slide O' Death. One was your typical racing slide and the other was the Drop O' Doom near vertical slide. Both were amazeballs. The racing one was super slick. Every adult that rode it ended up going so fast that we slid off the end of the brake track. The near-vertical slide was just scary. Once you did it it was awesome, but sitting at the top of it was a bit unnerving. Still great fun!
Familienachterbahn - This was just a small Tivoli. It ended up going through the course 8 or 9 times, it felt like.
Horseback ride thingy - I rode this just after being tortured in the Playground Of Evil. I was still super dizzy when I climbed on the horse and was surprised I didn't fall right off, haha. It bounces a whole lot, that's for sure.
Zipline - It's just a short little zipline over the lake. I did think it was gonna drop me a few times, though. When it releases the car you get a little jolt of a scare.
Playground Of Evil - This place would be awesome if it wasn't populated by like-minded TPR members. If you're here alone and can do the various torture devices at your leisure, you'll have a grand ol' time. Being trapped on multiple different torture devices and being told it won't stop until someone falls off or pukes is a whole different story. At the point it goes from being fun to being AMAZING! I'm not even kidding about that rule, by the way. Robb announced it right off the bat. If anyone goes on one of the torture devices, they will be spun or swung or whatever it did until they or someone else fell off or puked. Please, someone post your videos of this. Please.
After our time at Schlossbeck we made the long, long trek to Moviepark Germany. I mean, seriously, 1 kilometer away? Do Robb and Elissa expect us to just never get any sleep with distances like that?! Sheesh, guys!
Moviepark Germany was home to plenty of cookie cutter rides. It really says something about a park when their best rides are the two indoor water rides and the best coaster is the Junior SLC.
Bandit - Never again will I ride this horrid contraption. Never. It shakes more than an epileptic with parkinsons at a strobe light factory. Awful, awful ride.
Backyardigans: Mission To Mars - Just another Roller Skater...with the world's friskiest ride op. We'll get to that photo later, haha.
Ghost Chasers - Spongebob theme!!!!! Well, it wasn't really a theme, per se. More it was just two walls around the coaster with pictures of Spongebob and Patrick. Just another wild mouse with a surprising pop of airtime at the end.
Jimmy Neutron's Atomic Flyer - Best coaster in the park and it's a Vekoma Junior SLC. Enough said.
MP Express - This was a standard Vekoma SLC with themeing that was a cross between CounterStrike, Eraser, and Call Of Duty. It was also one of the most painful SLCs I've ridden. Rather than just shake you side to side, this one feels the need to shake you forward and backward, as well, giving you a nice chiropractic exam while riding!
Van Helsing's Factory - Wowwwwwwww, disappointement. The themeing is excellent, but the ride is a small mouse-ish coaster in a box. The fact that it takes the hairpin turns at 45mph doesn't help. Seriously, you do the first drop, go through a sweeping curve, then hit 3 or 4 hairpins at top speed. Not cool. Still, though, the themeing was nice.
Alien Encounter - They make great use of a shop vac to clear out all of the water that gets stuck in the boats! They also manage to dump all of the blackened water right back into the trough! This was a surprisingly long shoot the chutes ride with some good themeing, however antiquated it may be.
Crazy Surfer - Disk-O coaster! A surprisingly bumpy Disk-O coaster, that is.
High Fall - Novel concept, painful execution. Great idea for the cars that tilt forward, Intamin. Now if you could only make it not crush my manhood upon braking, I would appreciate it. Thanks!
Ice Age Adventure - This was a cute boat dark ride, complete with a drop out of nowhere. Good times.
Mystery River - Hell yeah! This raft ride was 90% indoors! You didn't get wet at all, but it was awesome! The themeing is top notch and it gets some SERIOUS speed in the second half! Whoo!
Pier Patrol - This was my first time on one of these water whip things. I had a ton of fun high-fiving people on the dock and whipping my jetski around!
Speed slides and scary slide.
Dan rides the zipline.
Dora's log flume! We didn't ride due to the extreme amount of wetness we were witnessing.
Thumbs up for credit whoring!
Remember that frisky ride op I mentioned? Here you go. Apparently this is how they unlock the lap bars when they become stubborn.
One thing you are forgetting is the AMAZING cleanliness and sanitary conditions at Movie Park Germany
- Dan "What the F*&K" Rapids Man
Let's start with the friendly German guy who politely asked everyone to lean to the right-side of the boat at Alien Encounter so he could stick his hose in the boat and suck out all the black water from the bottom! (that last sentence was NOT meant to be sexual you sick freaks!)
Seriously. The water was black. If I left with ONLY malaria - I would be happy.
The hourly capacity of the ride was ENTIRELY dependent on how fast this dude could suck!
And PLEASE don't forget about the queue of Van Helsing's Factory. Seriously, please don't forget about it - because apparently all of the employees there already have
I love excellent themeing. This park had plenty to spare! Unfortunately it was pretty rainy for most of the day so my camera didn't get a big workout. As for that rain? We got caught in the lowest part of the park when a monsoon hit, basically. We took shelter at some pizza place for about 45 minutes waiting for the madness to pass by. What did we do afterwards, though? River Quest. Because only truly demented TPR people seek shelter from rain but then ride a ridiculously wet raft ride.
Phantasialand has an excellent selection of rides and coasters. Black Mamba is one of the best B&M inverts I've ridden, Michael Jackson was seriously wild for a mine train, the flats were well themed, and the indoor attractions were in a class all their own.
Black Mamba - WHOOOOOOO! I had heard middle of the road reviews for this ride, but I think it's incredible. Even though I've never ridden Nemesis, I like to think that Black Mamba is like it's baby brother. It's mostly built inside trenches and has TONS of leg choppers. The ride is incredibly twisty and disorienting and forceful. Good times!
Michael Jackson Thrill Ride - This was on the same level as Mammut for insane mine trains. It was wicked!
Temple Of The Nohawk - That's right. Nohawk. I'm fairly certain the track length is well over 10 miles long. It never seemed to end...and that's not a good thing.
Winjas - HOLY HELL YEAH! I'm not going to spoil anything about this coaster. Just know that there are plenty of surprises and you will have the time of your life on it!
Feng Ju Palace - Yet another mad house. Boring.
Geister Ricksha - An omni-mover haunted house themed to Asian ghosts and stuff? Pretty wild. It wasn't anything scary, but it was still a solid dark ride. It was pretty long, too.
Hotel Tartuff - Unfortunately, due to the rainy day, there were quite a few leaky ceilings and the brand new fun house was shut down all day. It looks like a ton of fun, though!
Hollywood Tour - OMG BEST BOAT DARK RIDE EVER!!!!!!! We were the first riders on it! Our group had one hell of a waterfall scare at the start, too, haha.
Maus Au Chocolat - Toy Story Mania done right. It is VERY long, the themeing is phenomenal, and there aren't any dark hallways between shooter scenes. Excellent!
Mystery Castle - Why aren't there any more of these in the world? They're a massive-size Frog Hopper! I couldn't get enough of it!
Race For Atlantis - 3D movie inside half of an EPCOT dome. It's...pretty horrible.
River Quest - Probably the wettest damn raft ride I've ever been on. The rafts make 10-15 foot walls of water all the time. I loved it.
Silbermine - Need a nap? Here you go!
Talocan - The Top Spin of the gods. Back to back seating and floorless, it pulls maneuvers no Top Spin should ever be able to pull. My brain shut down and I just started screaming "HOLY S$#%!" over and over again. Plus, huge fireballs. Sweet!
Tittle Tattle Tree - Odd little tower ride in the Winjas complex. Nice photo ops!
Wellenflug - It's just a wave swinger, but it has a great design tweak that makes it a very memorable ride. They added chaser fountains. The fountains follow the wave of the ride so you're inches away from being soaked the entire time but never get wet. It was great!
Oh, and I won't even get into the details of what happened at the Dragon Bar the night before. You'll need to find someone that was present to get the story. We were bad boys, haha.
I wish I could say this day was better, but it really wasn't. Parc Asterix has all of the worst qualities of a Six Flags park, plus the ride ops don't even know how their front of the line system works. It was pretty horrendous. It also didn't help that we managed to catch the park on the busiest day in its history. When Goudurix has a 2-1/2 hour line you know there's a problem somewhere. Robb and Elissa pulled some pretty huge strings to get us the front of the line hookup. I can't thank them enough for that because if they didn't we would never have been able to ride anything.
OzIris - So so so disappointed by this ride. The reviews were great! The ride LOOKED incredible! I couldn't wait to ride it! And then I rode it. You know how people say B&M have lost a step? That they over-engineer their rides to be forceless, boring contraptions? That has never been more true than for this ride. It pulls NO forces whatsoever. Sure, the first drop is nice and steep, but the rest of the ride is a slow, boring mess. For a ride to look as beautiful as this one and to offer such a boring ride is a shame.
Goudurix - Believe it or not, this is a better ride than OzIris. Sure, it beats you worse than Ike did Tina, but it at least offers a thrill or two! We manned up and opted for the back row. One ride was enough. I can now say I've ridden this death machine and lived to tell the tale, haha.
Ronde des Rondins - This thing was tiny, even for a Tivoli. Credit!
SOS Numerobis - This was a slightly bigger tiny Tivoli. Credit!
Tonerre de Zeus - This was the best ride in the park. It's held up very well for its age and delivers a wild ride with some airtime here and there. If the ride ops understood how to keep the station in order, though, it would be even better. It was a complete clusterf$%# up there!
Trace du Hourra - I love me some bobsleddin'! Unfortunately the ride ops here insisted that us full grown adults ride in pairs. I got to be the bottom spoon and got to know Doug a lot more than I would care to admit, hahaha. Still a fun bobsled that isn't themed to bobsleds!
Vol D'Icare - Small family coaster with a massive queue and no front of the line access. Still, though, credit!
Le Defi de Cesar - Finally, a mad house that is done right! The preshow rooms were great, especially the one involving water effects. It got pretty insane. The mad house portion itself, while still a standard mad house ride, made great use of HD screens and animation to really sell the effect. Whee!
Menhir Express - This log flume is pretty mean with the water. You'll get drenched. I love a good log flume and this one delivered!
Romus et Rapidus - This was a bone-dry rapids ride until the very end where there's no escaping the spray of two elephant statues. Cruel trick.
Transdemonium - IT'S A CREDIT, DAMMIT! There's a lift! There's a gravity-propelled drop! If Blazing Fury is a credit, then THIS is a credit! Take THAT! Aside from all of that, this is a solid old school haunted house that, rather than having powered cars, ends up being a semi-powered coaster.
If the park learns how to run the rides properly and teaches its employees about the front of the line system I might enjoy it more. From this visit, though, I don't really intend to come back. The ride selection was decent but I only got to experience about 1/4 of it due to the insane crowds. The people were rude, as well, but that's France for you.
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