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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:07 pm

Alright everyone! It's taken me awhile to get to this trip report because quite honestly it's going to be the most difficult trip report I've ever had to write. Generally trip reports are a ton of work and take me forever, but in most cases they sort of come together because I have a pretty good recollection of how the day went even if it takes months to get to writing a report and when you start going through the pictures it helps jog your memory even more. Unfortunately writing a trip report for our day in Wildwood is going to be tricky because I wasn't even there.

I mean... okay, technically I was there. The pictures make it look like I was there, and it looks like I was having a spec-f*cking-tacular time but I don't remember sh*t. :lol:

I'm not sure if you've ever seen the Hangover movies but I just want to give a quick shout-out to those helpful "how-to" films as they've really been instrumental in helping me with this report. As everyone who's ever seen those movies knows, when you wake up the first thing you need to do is search for clues and have a collaboration session to try and piece everything together. I had one of those with Boldikus a few weeks ago and I've gone through the photos in my phone and I think I have a pretty good idea of what happened. Unlike the movies, I don't have any hospital bracelets, $800 Bellagio receipts or teeth in my pocket so the photos are all I have to go on.

Our day started out innocently enough, we got into town around 9:00 and decided to hit the boardwalk in search of breakfast. We walked for quite awhile but eventually settled on Hot Spot. It wasn't really our first choice since Boldikus has told us countless times that the place was awful but it was the only place where you could sit out near the beach and look at the ocean and I figured it would be damn near impossible to f*ck up French toast so we went for it.

Honestly, it was a nice breakfast. I'm sure their regular food is probably greasy sh*t but you can't really screw up French toast and Pancakes and it's a decent place to sit so I approve and I'd probably go back for breakfast. Basically I just took this picture so I could text it to Boldikus and watch him talk sh*t. Any place with a Vekoma Boomerang on the menu is probably top klass though,

After Hot Spot we were still waiting on everyone else to show up (Boldikus and Dawn were driving in from Philly and ytterbiumanalyst was whoring Seaside and Ocean City) so we decided to kill a little more time and hit up the shady aquarium.

I'd actually checked out the tripadvisor reviews for this place figuring Brit would want to go there and they were pretty good. The price point is reasonable for it's size and we figured we didn't have much to lose so we went for it.

We spend a lot of time visiting normal accredited zoos and aquariums so this little sh*thole was definitely a bit unusual. It started out pretty cool with a nice little eel tank and a nice touch pool with a few small rays in it. It was clear that the place was pretty small but so far there was nothing too out of the ordinary. It just sort of felt like the Aquarium section of a Wal Mart only with cooler animals and a cover charge.

This place is... "EEL-y" f*cked up. Get it? Get it?

We were already getting a weird vibe, but once we passed the touch pool and the eels we were greeted with a piranha tank. It seemed pretty standard at first but on top of it there was a little footstool and a funnel thing. A few seconds later we would find out why, as apparently the aquarium charges people 3 bucks for poor f*cker goldfish that they put it in a cup and then dump into the tank full of bloodthirsty piranhas. Brit was appalled by this, and even more appalled when I asked if she had 3 singles on her since I only has 20s. :lol:

Lucky for us there was another kid in front of us who was also a sadistic f*ck and had purchased a ton of goldfish.

This one was eaten whole, but a lot of times they were absolutely ripped to shreds. I thought it was hilarious but Brit thought it was terrible so we moved on from that pretty quick...

Beyond that there were a few more tanks with various fish and reptiles and then in the back the aquarium had a pretty impressive shark tank with some decent size nurse sharks swimming around.

This picture is ridiculously blue, but after last year's Wildwood report featuring a sh*t ton of photos Boldikus took with a blue filter I figured it wouldn't be a proper Wildwood report without an appropriate level of blue-ness.

The aquarium was tiny, but it was impressive how much they were able to cram in there. Beyond the nurse sharks they had a few more animals including some more fish, turtles, Coatimundis, snakes and even some gators.

I didn't bother waiting around to see if you could buy something to throw in the gator enclosure, knowing this place you probably f*cking could though, lol.

After dicking around in the gift shop for a bit we got a text from Boldikus that he had reached the house so we decided to head back and have a few drinks on the porch. It was about a mile walk from the aquarium, but it was a nice day and a good chunk of that would be spent walking the boardwalk so we didn't mind one bit.

I think this is a pretty tasteful accessory to be honest but Brit wasn't feeling this place at all and didn't want to buy anything in the gift shop despite how highly fashionable this gator head was. Damn...

About 20 minutes later we were back at the car and decided to move it closer to the house since it would be a solid 24 hours before we'd be in any condition to drive it... that turned out to be a good move. :lol: We pulled up near the house, got a case of beer out of the trunk and headed to the porch to get this party started.

We spent the next few hours hanging out at the house, shooting the sh*t and drinking the day away. At one point they decided to hit up the local dive bar for a few drinks so we all headed over there for a change of pace.


We'd been hearing about this place for awhile and it definitely lived up to it's dive bar reputation. I think there was some sort of inflatable thing on the pool table but by that point things were already getting a little hazy, the only thing I really cared about was that they made some excellent orange crushes so we downed a few of those before we decided to switch things up and go back to the porch to drink some more.

This floor mat has excellent taste. PS: I don't remember taking this picture at all, but I was clearly pretty trashed because if I were sober I absolutely wouldn't have passed up the opportunity to rearrange those letters on the dryer into something that would have made this picture 10 times better. What a waste...

After a few hours and about 12-"ish" drinks we decided it was time to try something different and head over to the boardwalk. After all there were 3 awesome amusement piers and an entire boardwalk over there and so far we had spent the majority of the day drinking on the porch. That seemed like a bit of a waste, so thankfully we decided to head over to the boardwalk and go to a bar with a nice view of all of that stuff so we could look at them while we drank some more. :lol:

Riding the tram car! Watch...Watch... Watch the Alcoholics Please! PS: Hey look, a coaster in the background! For all of you wondering if this coaster trip report would include coasters... you're welcome!

After having another 2 drinks, we finally decided it was time to hit the pier. I think ytterbiumanalyst met us at this bar, but I don't f*cking know. Full discolsure: I'm reading his trip report right now to see what order we rode things in because I don't remember anything. :lol: :lmao: :lol: :lmao: :lol:

Lucky for us, Boldikus, Dawn and I had won free wristbands last year during the buried treasure promotion and Boldikus had a season pass this year so he was nice enough to give Brit the coupon and we all rode for free. Brit didn't win anything despite her trying twice a day for over a week because Morey's clearly hates her. Poor Brit. ;)

Anyway, according to ytterbiumanalyst's report we started out at Great Nor’Easter. I was definitely pretty excited to try this one out as it's been getting rave reviews since the re-tracking. Brit sat this one out since she hated it last year and didn't trust it at all and Dawn was reluctant to ride it but after some convincing the 4 of us headed over and decided to take a ride.

Please don't suck, please don't suck, please don't suck

The ride definitely got mixed reviews from our group. I loved it, Boldikus loved it, ytterbiumanalyst loved it and Dawn thought it should be buried underground in the fiery pits of hell and then the earth should be salted where they dug the hole so nothing could ever grow there. To be fair, I don't think that description completely sums up Dawn's hatred for this ride but it's the best I could do. Personally, I give it a thumbs up... but I was also trashed. I like everything when I'm trashed. Don't listen to me.

Anyway, after flying the Great Nor’Easter (or the sh*t Nor’Easter depending on who you talk to), we decided to hit up AtmosFEAR. I don't remember riding it but I'll just go ahead and say it was awesome. It's a Larson. I'm sure I liked it. I like everything Larson makes... the drop towers aren't quite as good as their coasters but they're still great.

Our next stop was apparently the amazing log flume which I probably pressured everyone into riding. It was probably awesome. I don't know. Then we went over to "It". I thought the ride was awesome but apparently it broke down halfway through the ride cycle and we slowly swung to a stop. I'm so used to riding that piece of crap at Dorney that I didn't even notice it wasn't supposed to do that. Even though the ride broke and didn't spin much it was still better than the dumpster fire at Dorney. Unfortunately our proper ride on "it" would have to wait until later because we broke "it" and "it" couldn't handle us.

After riding "it" we decided "it" was time to go to the bar and get fluffy, fluffy bunny filled with medicine and goo"it" because "it" was the weekend so f*ck "it". Okay... those last few don't even make sense. Sorry, I'll try to stop "it".

Back at the bar!

After a few more drinks Boldikus and Dawn decided to head back to the house and let the dog out while Brit and I accompanied ytterbiumanalyst on his quest for crappy credits. I'll be honest, with as much as we had to drink I sort of figured that was the last we'd see of Boldikus and Dawn that day and we sort of cut ourselves off so ytterbiumanalyst's first trip to Wildwood didn't include him carrying us down the boardwalk (though that would have been the most epic trip report of all time).

After closing out our tab we decided to hit the other two coasters on the pier. As you may remember from my previous report, I'm not the biggest fan of Doo Wooper and that certainty didn't change after this visit. I'm way too tall for the thing so I barely fit and it made for a really uncomfortable ride. Luckily the painful riding position did make an otherwise awful wild mouse somewhat more interesting. This ride sucks.

Luckily our next stop was a much better coaster, Flitzer! Flitzer is awesome. I mean... it's not, it's a piece of crap. But it's a super fun piece of crap and it's a really smooth and enjoyable ride. It's general crappiness gives it character.

ytterbiumanalyst and Brit are getting ready for a good flitzin'

I love this thing. I want one in my back yard. I'll put it right next to Downdraft at Knoebels (which I also want in my back yard).

Oh yeah... somebody's feeling good.

After getting our flitzin' fixin' we decided it was time to head over to Mariner's pier. Apparently we got a slice of Mack's pizza on the way. I don't remember doing that, but there's a picture on my phone of me holding a slide of Mack's like an idiot between the pictures of Surfside and the pictures of Mariners, so I guess it must have happened. There was also a picture of the "Grab a Wiener" hot dog place on there that I don't remember taking because I'm a child.

Best pizza in Wildwood! After eating at a grand total of 3 pizza places in Wildwood I feel completely qualified to make that bold statement.

When we arrived at Mariner's we figured we should get Rollie's coaster out of the way first since it sucks. Previously I would have declared this the worst coaster in Wildwood (since they fixed Nor’Easter) but I feel like when I do that Doo Wooper gets jealous and tries to find a way to out-suck it so I won't stir the pot. Honestly, the ride is fine. It's not really that bad, it's just not really any good either and I can't for the life of my understand why it has over the shoulder restraints. This ride is just confusing...

In all it's glory...

After riding piece of crap, we decided to head over to Sea Serpent. Honestly, I really like this thing. Boomerangs are sort of hit-or-miss for me. I like some of them quite a bit and I actually find the ride experience pretty cool and forceful if the ride doesn't beat you half to death but some of them are just rough pieces of crap. Thankfully Sea Serpent is definitely one of the better Boomerangs and I'll never pass up an opportunity to take it for a spin. Not only is it a really smooth ride, but I love the way they built it into a bunch of gift shops and over a bathroom. It's an amazing use of space.

It may not be a popular opinion in the enthusiast community, but I really enjoy this thing!

When we got off the ride I decided to check my phone and saw a text I never thought I'd see. Boldikus and Dawn were somehow NOT passed out at the house and they were on their way to meet us for some more rides. Damn, those guys are pros. I contemplated popping in a gift shop so I could buy them each a trophy for making it back to the boardwalk (it would have been well earned, they honestly drank even more than I did and I was probably up at about 15 drinks) but instead we decided to ride the weird ass pirate ship monorail thing while we waited. Unfortunately it was down, so instead we rode the sh*tty seagull cycles which are basically the same thing only they require you to pedal the seagulls around the track and it's actually quite a bit of work. I didn't see any rules about bumping, but much to my dismay the ride vehicles wouldn't allow us to slam unto ytterbiumanalyst's seagull which would have been the ride's only redeeming quality. Oh well...

When we got off the crappy seagull ride we met up with Boldikus and Dawn and decided to make our way over to ghost ship. As always, it was awesome. I love Ghost ship and wish more parks would have a year-round haunt style attraction like this. It's a surprisingly long attraction and it's packed with plenty of scares. Ghost ship is an absolute home run.

The piers definitely started to get a lot more crowded later in the day.

Next up was the park's floating acid trip... Pirates of Wildwood! This thing is truly a psychedelic, knockoff Pirates of the Caribbean LSD commercial complete with a scare-actor that's highly unmotivated to give a sh*t... probably because just working in this thing gives you a contact high since I'm pretty sure the boats are floating in a trough full of bong water.

Honestly, if you haven't ridden Pirates of Wildwood, nothing can prepare you for Pirates of Wildwood (well... except perhaps heavy drugs). If you have ridden Pirates of Wildwood, then no further description is needed. You're part of an exclusive club now. You understand.

Everything started out normal (well... as "normal" as anything involving Pirates of Wildwood can be) but once Boldikus and Dawn started hippy tripping down the bong river of Pirates of Wildwood and our boat pulled up behind theirs I was informed by the ride op that there were no single riders so one of us would have to ride twice. I drew the short straw and rode once with ytterbiumanalyst' and then once again with Brit... awkwardly riding from the unload platform to the load platform which took a good 5 minutes. The queue runs within about 2 feet of this, so after getting a few awkward stares one kid finally got really curious as to what the hell I was doing and asked me if I worked there.

Yeah kid... I work here. This is what I do all day. Whenever I'm not working I ride this and listen to the Grateful Dead on my ipod and ride this ride over and over and over again without getting off until it's time to fly home to Honalee on my magical weed dragon. You caught me. Pirates of Wildwood is the best, suck it Disney.

This place is amazing at night

After our magical journey to Destination: WTF, we figured it was time to head down to the Adventure Pier. We started out with a few rides on Great White. I thought the ride was awesome, but Boldikus and Dawn (who are more seasoned Great White riders) said that it was sort of sluggish so we decided to come back later when they added the good train and the ride warmed up a little. We hit the Screaming Swing next which is always a good time and after failing to convince everyone to ride the Skyscraper we decided to head back up the boardwalk to get some pizza.

I snagged this picture on Adventure Pier so that I'd have a cool picture to go along with the trip report about how we rode the Skyscraper and how it was awesome but it turns out that won't be necessary because apparently I was with a bunch of b*tches that day and everyone wimped out. LOL jk

After stopping at Mack's for some much needed pizza, caffeine and air conditioning we headed up to Surfside which I really consider to be the star pier of Wildwood. Not only is it absolutely amazing at night, but it's home to the 2 best rides in Wildwood with "it" and Zoom Phloom. We hit both of them (and finally got a proper cycle on "it", OMFG this thing is awesome) and I snapped a picture of "it" to post on Facebook and earn myself a ton of angry reactions and text messages from concerned family members who made us promise we wouldn't ride anything like the ride at the Ohio State Fair. Oh well, they'll get over "it". :lol:

So awesome!

After "it" and the flume we walked around a little more, checking out some gift shops, enjoying the boardwalk atmosphere and hitting some random rides along the way. At one point we decided to ride Dante's Dungeon which is always a bunch of fun. It's no Pirates of Wildwood, but it's definitely a perfect, cheesy boardwalk dark ride. We rode it last year and I didn't remember much about it for some reason but I definitely left with a pretty favorable opinion of it this year.

I love this ride's facade.

At that point it was getting pretty late so we figured we'd start making our way down the boardwalk so we could end our night at Great White. Along the way we popped into some really cool candy store with a really cool selection of stuff, hit the arcade played some of the claw machines and and I'm pretty sure we popped into a few other places too. Honestly you could spend a week walking this boardwalk and still miss things. It's really a tourist trap paradise. I love it.

Wildwood really comes alive at night!

As we made our way up to Great White, I couldn't help but notice that the swings had finally opened up on Mariner's pier after being closed for most of the day. I'm not normally big on swing rides but this one is up on a raised platform right on the beach which really makes it stand out from the rest. It was definitely a sleeper hit for me last year so I was pretty happy it opened up and and I got to ride it again. Once again, it was a great ride.

You really can't beat Morey's at night.

After the swings we went down to the Adventure Pier for a few more rides on Great White right at closing. While I enjoyed my ride earlier, it was absolutely flying at night and we were treated to some pretty insane rides. Great White is a ridiculously underrated coaster and while it won't make any top 10 lists it's really the complete package and it's a tremendous ride.

The location and view from the lift hill is breathtaking, the ride features a ton of insane laterals, it has some great pops of air and it perfectly walks that fine line of being aggressive without being rough. It seems like a coaster that's way too good to be sitting at a boardwalk on the Jersey shore, but then again Wildwood in general seems to be a major step up from the other Jersey shore boardwalks.

Those amazing night rides on Great White followed by an obnoxiously huge waffle cone from Kohr Bros were a great way to end a great day. It was great meeting up with ytterbiumanalyst and it's always a blast hanging with Boldikus and Dawn. Hopefully we didn't scare ytterbiumanalyst with our drunken shenanigans. Even for me that was a pretty impressive amount of booze. :lol:


I totally stole this picture from ytterbiumanalyst because my phone was dead at the end of the night. You should really check out his report here if you haven't already.

Up next: Steel Pier, Margaritaville, Hydrus and Keansburg!

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby boldikus » Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:41 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I love this report. Mostly because of the way you describe it but also because it helps me to remember this day. I honestly can't believe we made it back after feeding the dog (for those wondering, we were staying at my folks who went out of town and trusted us to feed the dog, so as smashed as we were I *had* to go home to take care of that). Honestly the entire walk to the house and back to the boards is completely black.

As is most of the remainder of the day. That last photo says it all! Sorry Andrew! :lol: :lol:

P.S. I love that there is drinking going on in that tram car photo. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby bert425 » Tue Sep 12, 2017 1:25 pm

awesome report. . but I'm with Brit: it makes me sad you can pay to throw a living thing into a tank of Piranhas to watch them get eaten :(

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:24 pm

boldikus wrote:Honestly the entire walk to the house and back to the boards is completely black.

:lmao: Glad it wasn't just me. Despite my TPR reputation that day was really the exception and not the rule for us. It was a great time though :lol: .

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby boldikus » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:40 pm

I still can't believe we made it til midnight. :lol: Must've been all the pizza.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Canobie Coaster » Tue Sep 12, 2017 4:59 pm

Great report! I love the Hangover reference and how you used your phone and other TRs to piece everything together.

I really don't see how anyone can have a bad time in Wildwood..unless you're those goldfish. I'd be paying $3 as well. Did they also have an exhibit to flush them too?
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby ytterbiumanalyst » Tue Sep 12, 2017 5:26 pm

Awesome! Glad my report helped you piece things together. Honestly I never remember the order I ride things; I just take a lot of pictures and I assume the timestamp on the photo is when I rode it.

It was great hanging out with all of you, honestly. Moreys is a place to hang out with friends and not necessarily just going for rides. Some of their rides are great, a lot are crap, but that's what there is to love about it. It's equal parts awesome and horrible.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby boldikus » Wed Sep 13, 2017 6:23 am


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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby bluestreak » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:25 am

Glad you at least think you had fun lol.
I gotta ask, how bad was your hangover? :lol:
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Wed Sep 13, 2017 7:37 am

:lol: Believe it or not I didn't have one. Since I cut myself off around mid-afternoon so I could make it to midnight I had completely sobered up by the end of the night. We had a few drinks on the porch when we got back, but not much. I pretty much never get hangovers anymore (knock on wood).


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