Alright, I'm on an Allegiant flight with no Wifi, I'm drinking Mich Ultra because this apparently passes for a quality beer on Allegiant and I have nothing better to do so here comes the final installment of the Wildwood report!
Obviously I can't post this from this plane, so if you're reading this it means we landed at some point (probably last week because it'll take me forever to post this). Hooray for us!!! We survived a flight on Allegiant Airlines. It's like the TPR Klassy Cruise, only in the sky with a much greater chance of death.
Anyway, on to Wildwood... we woke up on Sunday in our weird a** hotel and decided to take advantage of the late checkout time and hit the beach while we still had time to go back and shower off. Despite what I've heard about the Jersey Shore, the beach was very clean and we had a great morning swim. Given the fact that Wildwood's Beach is "yuge", you can walk out seemingly forever which was definitely a cool change from Rehoboth where (because of the steep drop off) you basically walk out to where you can comfortably stand and prepare to run towards large waves with reckless abandon if you don't intend to spend the next few seconds of your life getting your a** kicked. This felt more like a Carolina beach where waves broke way out in front of you and fizzled out way before they reached you. Very cool.
Great morning for a swim.
Once we got that out of our system, we went back to the hotel to shower, checked out and headed to the boardwalk where we dicked around in the arcade for a bit before meeting up with Boldikus for a few more rides and drinks.
Brit showing off her swag from the arcade during another Orange Crush pit stop.
After our crushes we decided to hit "It" and the Flume one last time before eventually saying goodbye to Boldikus, checking out a few gift shops and finally deciding to brave the Garden State Parkway and head back home.
This candy shop on Mariner's Pier may look normal, but those candy themed posts are actually supports for their Boomerang coaster. I love how they piled everything on top of each other and managed to make it look good.
We made our way back to the car and decided that since we were finally on the Jersey shore we needed to hit a few more shore parks on the way back. We knew none of them would be as good as Wildwood, but we were in the area so why not.
Next time maybe we'll stay at this hotel. Brit seemed to like it for some reason.
We though of hitting Atlantic City but we sort of liked being alive so we decided to skip it. Ocean City looked intriguing but with Gale Force being a f*cking turd we decided to pass that also.
We ventured further north in our search for a park to visit, passing park after park but we were running out of options. Scattered storms moved in and looking at the radar we assumed most parks had closed their rides. We had almost give up hope when suddenly... as if it were a sign from above... a slight aroma of hair gel and spray tan started to fill the air. A quick glance at the radar showed a clearing over Seaside heights and we knew it was finally time to break out the grenade whistles, polish our fist pumps and GTL our way over to the greatness that is... Seaside Heights.
OH YEAH SEASIDE YEAH OH YEAH SEASIDE YEAH (taken at the Shore Store under the Jersey Shore house deck).
Okay, I admit it... I watched that show. I hate reality TV but this wasn't the typical fake, scripted reality TV crap, this show might as well have been a documentary about Seaside because it was EXACTLY the way it was portrayed in the show. Locals will say otherwise, but deep down they know I'm right.
OH YEAH SHORE HOUSE YEAH... our fist pump game is sh*t. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing... I'm going with good.
Anyway, after checking out the Shore house we decided to head over to the pier.
On the Boardwalk.
Our visit was pre-Hydrus, but that doesn't mean you have to go sounding the grenade whistle because the pride and joy of Seaside was beckoning and we happily coughed up the ten bucks to ride (at the time) Seaside's only coaster... the Pirate Coaster!
Okay... real talk, wtf???? I firmly believe in my heart that Hurricane Sandy was punishment for Snookie reproducing but the final candle on the f*ck you cake was the fact that the hurricane destroyed an entire amusement park and every coaster in Seaside EXCEPT for this thing. Really? You couldn't have put it out of it's misery?
It's come to my attention that since our visit the park has placed the ride at the very end of the pier and honestly... thank god. Hopefully there's never another hurricane like Sandy but if there is Casino Pier has made absolutely sure that the his thing will finally collapse into the ocean and become a coral reef which would be a dramatic improvement.
Alright, let's get into all the reasons this coaster sucks.
#1 It's rough as sh*t
#2 The lap bar sucks, maybe it's there so that all the locals who skipped leg day to work on their sick f*cking chest pumps because they thought making sure the guns were hugging the sleeves was more important than a balanced workout would be punished with excruciating leg pain, I don't know.
#3 THERE ARE NO F*CKING PIRATES!!!! NONE!!! ZERO!!!! YO HO YO HO I WANT MY FIVE DOLLARS BACK. WTF!?!?!
Seriously... you go into a metal box, it beats the crap out of you and there isn't a single stuffed pirate, animatronic pirate, painting of a pirate, picture of a pirate, guy who looks like a pirate, guy who has an eye patch because he hurt himself getting black out drunk and falling off the deck at club Karma... nothing. After experiencing the amazing Pirate filled voyage on the high seas that is Pirates of Wildwood we were pissed. WTF Seaside?
After our Pirate Adventure where (to be fair) we were pillaged and looted for $5 which is at least sort of pirate-like, we decided to end on a high note and ride something that didn't suck.
In our mind, the absolute coolest thing about Seaside is the Casino Pier Sky Ride. For those unfamiliar, it's a sh*tty fixed grip, non Von roll imposter but it makes up for it by following the boardwalk and offering great views along the way.
Sky Coaster in mid-flight, the placement of that thing is awesome
The Sky Ride can actually be used as a method of transportation but for a few extra bucks you can ride it round trip and that's what we opted to do. We're traditionalists and if we were going to use any form of transportation to get around seaside we would call a cab, because yelling "CHAIRLIFT'S A HEA!!!" doesn't have the same ring to it.
I won't lie, this is super cool.
After we finally arrived back at the pier, we noticed that there were storms on the way and wanted to head over to Jenkinson's real quick and scoop up one more credit before heading home. We definitely had to rush to get there before the storm, but when it was so close by we had to give it a shot.
15 minutes? I think we can do this.
We arrived at Jenkinsons to see the rides still running despite the incoming storm. We pulled up to a meter right beside the Flitzer, purchased our tickets and got ready for our second Flitzer experience in as many days.
Flitzin' (is that a thing?)
Unlike the Wildwood Flitzer, this one was definitely a bit on the shady side. For one... it only had one seatbelt (instead of the "traditional" ten million that we had grown accustomed to in Wildwood). To make things even more strange, this one seemed to be missing the launch section and the seatbelt had to be worn over the shoulder like a car seatbelt. These guidos...
Anyway, the ride was a ton of fun (obviously, it's a Flitzer) and we were about to head out when we noticed a train full of full grown men riding the kiddy coaster. We rarely ride kids coasters, but since a bunch of dudes that looked like they could bench press a house and clearly GTL on the daily thought it was socially acceptable we figured we'd give it a go.
Here we are with our shameless credit.
The ride was surprisingly fun and after riding it we sort of understood why people didn't necessarily view it as a kids ride. It had some good laterals and was honestly a great time.
With credits in hand and a parking meter that was totally expired (but we got away with it... woohoo) we figured it was time to finally head home. Thanks again to Boldikus for convincing us to go and for showing us around. Wildwood was an absolute blast and I'd recommend it to anybody. The coasters themselves may not be amazing on paper, but the awesome flats, great food, great atmosphere and all around great vibe make Wildwood an awesome place.
We watched that train wreck of a show, too. At first, we watched it out of sheer disgust. Then, it sucked us in. Ironically, the only time I ever see re-runs are when I'm working out at my department's gym. We're too cheap to pay $100/month for cable at home.
prozach626 wrote:We watched that train wreck of a show, too. At first, we watched it out of sheer disgust. Then, it sucked us in.
Same thing with us. It was all the buzz on social media when it first started and we planned to tune into a train wreck and of course got seriously hooked the very first episode. Watched it straight through to the very end religiously, and I hate to admit it, but all the spin offs, as well (gotta love Snooki and JWoww!).
coasterbill wrote:Our visit was pre-Hydrus, but that doesn't mean you have to go sounding the grenade whistle because the pride and joy of Seaside was beckoning and we happily coughed up the ten bucks to ride (at the time) Seaside's only coaster... the Pirate Coaster!
Lol I just watched a POV of that ride. What an absolute disaster of a rollercoaster!
Nice end to your TR! That pirate coaster is something else... I definitely wasted 1 minute and 34 seconds watching the POV of that POS and feel sad that you paid actual money and wasted significantly more time riding it. Now, how long until we get something from your whirlwind FL trip?? Your fans are eagerly awaiting!
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