CoasterBrit

Yup.

Since Bill is being a lazy a** and continually whines about how far behind he is with trip reports, I’ve decided to do him a solid and write a trip report for our latest adventure. Alright, let’s get this s*** started… The day started off like every other Friday of my life. I hit snooze four times and eventually decided it was time to get up and go to work. We had packed the night before, so all that was left to do was toss our bags into my car and do a last check to make sure we had our passport cards in our wallets. SH**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My passport card wasn’t in my wallet. I’m immediately in full-on panic mode. Enter Bill with his all-knowing butthead self, “Why are you just now looking for your passport?” I hate when he’s right. After completely ripping our house, my car, the basement, and the garage apart, screaming into the void and proclaiming “why me” half a dozen times, I knew my passport was gone… lost, misplaced, whatever. Point is, I wasn’t going to find it. Bill quickly searched some options for me while I continued to rage scream so hard that I lost most of my voice. I may seem nice and quiet, but Bill is definitely the calm one in this relationship. Hard to believe I know… It turns out, if I could make it to Stamford, CT before noon with all my forms filled out, two forms of ID and a printed passport photo, I could get a passport printed the same day for the low, low price of $350. Good thing I can work from home on special occasions. New passport, who dis? Our drive up to Toronto was pretty uneventful. We drove, saw some mountains, some cows, and finally the Rainbow Bridge. When we got to the border crossing lady she took our passports, asked us the usual Canadian questions (“What’s this visit aboot?”, “Did you bring me any Timbits?”, “How many beaver nickels and moose quarters are you bringing into the country?”) and then asked who owned the car. I kind of panicked for some reason… Obviously I own the car and to my knowledge I’m not a criminal Bill quickly chimed in to let her know it was my car… Thanks Bill. “Where does your custom license plate come from?” Phew… this is an easy one! So I smiled like an idiot and said “SeaWorld!” She smiled…. OH CANADA!!! On Saturday we decided to hit up Canada’s Wonderland even though it was supposed to rain… a LOT. Apparently, some of you fine humans told Bill rainy days are the best days to go to Canada’s Wonderland because it’s less crowded. I hated you all at first but I can now confirm this. Yukon Striker, here we come! We get through the gate and it immediately starts raining. I decide that Bill was going to buy me a poncho because I have no shame and if I’m going to be at a rainy park all day, I didn’t want to be a soggy mess. Bill wanted to go to Yukon Striker first, but since it was raining and I was whining about dragons and guardians, we headed over to Wonder Mountain’s Guardian. Get ready for greatness It’s come to my attention that some of you have been talking sh*t, but I f***ing love Wonder Mountain’s Guardian. What can I say, I’m a sucker for a drop track. There’s just something so friggin’ cool to me about the dragon blowing his fire breath on the bridge while you try to shoot him and then poof, you’re falling. God… I can’t get enough of it. I could legit ride that all day and be happy. What’s Yukon Striker? Next, we went over to Yukon Striker because Bill was about to explode. Just as we were walking up to the queue, they closed the ride because the rain had started to pick up. Shout out to who ever keeps an eye on the weather for Canada’s Wonderland. They were spot on with everything all day long. It was the most efficient opening and closing of rides I’ve ever seen. Time passed, the ride opened, we got in line only to have the ride close yet again (for approaching weather this time). No worries though because we had some odd coaster enthusiast dude to keep us entertained while we waited. Dude brings a Walkman (yes, a WALKMAN) to parks and listens to “Cheerleader” by OMI while he waits in line for B&M rides. He does this because he wants to make sure he can sing the song correctly while on the rollercoaster. Fun Fact: According to this dude “Cheerleader” is timed perfectly with all B&M rides. I cannot attest to this fact because that song gives me douche chills. OH and shout out to Vincent who’s a member here that we met while waiting for Yukon Striker… Vincent is NOT the weird coaster dude, Vincent was awesome so hi Vincent. If you for some reason read this gibberish, let us know who you are on here… we forgot to ask you what your screen name is After an hour long weather delay and a few test trains they finally reopened the ride and we were sitting in the front row of Yukon Striker! Must be something in the water Just as we pull out of the station it starts to rain… hard. Our first ride on Yukon Striker sucked a big one. I had my face covered the entire time trying to play defense against the rain. It reminded me of the time JRice almost killed us in the rain on Valravn. Luckily for us when we got off of the ride, the rain was letting up so we immediately got back into the queue to get a proper Yukon Striker ride. Within in a few minutes we were back in the station and back in the front row for a normal, pain-free ride. They gave the all clear, the floor dropped and we were on our way… ---------- Now if you made it this far, WOW you’re really committed to this. I hope I didn’t totally let you down. I know Bill writes some great trip reports, but he’s slow AF and I got sick of waiting on him to finish our trips from last year, so here we are. If you hated this, you can PM Bill directly to let him know what a lazy f*** he is. Good job Bill, you let the TPR community down. ANYWHO --- Part 2 is coming soon and will cover the rest of our awesome day at Canada’s Wonderland and our time in Niagara Falls.