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PTR Dollywoods Smoky Mountain Christmas Opening Weekend


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OK! Here's my disclosure.

 

I LOVE DOLLYWOOD! I especially love Dollywood during their Smoky Mountain Christmas celebration. The entire park has been decorated to the hilt. If you've never been, you are really missing out on an incredible family experience. The sights, sounds and smells that fill this entire park during this time of the year are like nothing else on earth. The shows and entertainment are the best that any park offers world wide.

 

The days activities range from craft making for the kids, a bevy of great rides, and the nicest staff this side of the northern hemisphere. Need I even mention the food! Oh my God! The BBQ we had for lunch was almost enough to make me believe that the bible wasn't fabricated by a bunch of self absorbed writers trying to control the masses via a plethora of cryptically written stories. However, when I had my first peppermint Hot cocoa. I swear Jesus walked up next to me, placed a firm hand on my shoulder and showed me the divine light. Turns out it was a toothless prospector that I saw through my fogged up glasses. But I thought I'd found Jesus, and damn it! Thats what counts.

 

Anyway, I digress. You can stroll along a beautifully decorated craftmans alley watching artisans create original works of art that you can take home as gifts. It really is amazing to watch these people work. And they love to give demonstrations and explain exactly what they are creating. You can commission works of art that can be sent to you at your house, or picked up at a later date. (Depending on the length of time and degree of difficulty it takes to fabricate your item.) I could spend hours watching these craftmen and women work. It's really awesome, and educational. It's Awe-Edusomeational!

 

At night the whole park comes alive with lights and music. Carolers stroll around singing beautifully arranged Christmas songs. They have several large scale stage shows, "The Smoky Mountain Christmas," and "Babes in Toyland." The later catering specifically to kids. Which brings me to my only criticism. As excellent as "Babes" is. It is still a bit too long at almost an hour. Especially for younger children. I'm sure as the weeks move forward they will get the pacing up on it. (Afterall, It was only their second performance day.) Anyway... ...If that wasn't enough, they also have a parade of lights that runs through the entire park twice nightly. Absolutely Magical!

 

My family and I had an excellent time, and we cant wait to get back once or twice more before the season comes to a close. Thank you Dollywood! Thank you for a magical start to the Christmas season!

 

With that said... ...what comes next in this trip report should not be taken seriously. AT ALL! C'mon people. It's me!

 

Now, on to the pictures! Enjoy!

 

DWOOD XMAS PT. UN

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OH GOD! Tha food! Excuse me Ma Kettle, but what are the rest of the people here today going to eat?

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Another Christmas tree! With rudi toot toots & rummy tum tums. And angels blowing... ...horns!

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A huge Christmas tree! With nut crackers! Not ball busters! NUT CRACKERS!

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And Raindeer doing the Pee Pee dance! Nothing says Merry Christmas like Raindeer doing tha Pee Pee dance!

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Cause there's Elves. And their Sh!t stinking drunk on tha Nogg!

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Ahh yes! Dollywood at Christmas! You know how I know it's Christmas?

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You know how I know that? Cause it says it on every park employee's sweat shirt.

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Guess where we are? That's right Dolly Butterfly ood.

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I live near Silver Dollar City in Branson, MO which is owned by the same people as Dollywood, and so their almost one in the same.

SDC's Christmas celebration is pretty impressive. Most of the coasters don't operate if it's too cold, but the activities, shows and scenery put it above the rest making it worth it. Some of the big name places can learn a thing or two when it comes to holiday celebrating from these parks.

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I spend Thanksgiving with friends in Cullowhee, NC, each year, which is about two hours or so from Dollywood--but I have been unsuccessful in persuading them to visit the park. I haven't been there since the pre-Tennessee Tornado days and would love to check it out again.

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^Chuck, if you go this year, give me a call. I would love to meet you there. It really is an awesome park.

 

^^Silly German, Tricks are for kids. This was only Pt. UN of probably 5 or 6 parts. Including a segment on the new construction.

 

^^^Yes, the Q2Q not only will get you past the show lines, but will get you preferred seating as well. Q2Q is realy a great deal at Dollywood. However, with that said, they are open Wed, Th, & Fri as well. It is a lot less crowded and the longest lines are only 5 or so minutes. Also, the shows tend to fill up the first and last viewings of the day. So if you want to just stroll into the shows, try going to the afternoon and evening times.

 

On deck! Dollywood train & Splash battle construction!

 

Right now... ...PT. DEUX

 

It's ride time! Woo Hoo!

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YES! That's right! It's the Lindsey Lohan experience! Or, Fire in the Hole! Or, Blazing Fury! Whatever! I love this ride. It's one giant lifthill, 3 pops of air and a water splashdown. Awesomeness in a tin can!

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January, what's that up ahead?

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Angry chicks in a teacup ride. Seriously the scariest ride in the park here flolks.

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The Dumbo ride! Oh sorry! Flying Elephants. Like we all don't know what that means.

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Some weird hot dog dude that was squirting some sauce on himself. Yes, that's right, I said squirting Jahan! Embrace the squirt Jahan, embrace the squirt! Don't worry. It doesn't matter, a lucky few will get it.

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Wave swinger. I got nothin' snippy to say here. Except DAMN! Alana is HAWT! And January is the prettiest little girl in the whole world. AND... ... I CARRY A SHOTGUN WITH ME AT ALL TIMES! So back off you horny 6 year olds.

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SCRAMBLA BLA BLA BLA BLA!!!!!!!!!

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Weird patriotic, bat wing, flying thingy, contraption of sorts.

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Let the whoring begin! Wait a minute! That's no whore! That's my lovely wife Alana. My son on the other hand... ...huge whore!

JUST KIDDING! Calm down people!

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Yay! It's credit whore time with the Bible Vegetables. Is it legal to say Bible and Whore in the same sentence? Also, is being a Bible whore a good thing? Just some things that make you go Hmmmmm!

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Great TR Guy! Rebecca and I visited Dollywood for the first time this past summer and it's one of our favorite parks now. Great to see it all decked out for Christmas. Hmmm, maybe I can convince Rebecca we need to have a smokey mountain Christmas. That peppermint hot cocoa just might do it!

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Awesome Guy! I also LOVE Dollywood. Next year we are meeting up with you guys for a Christmas visit!

 

Some weird hot dog dude that was squirting some sauce on himself. Yes, that's right, I said squirting Jahan! Embrace the squirt Jahan, embrace the squirt! Don't worry. It doesn't matter, a lucky few will get it.

 

LMAO!

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I'm headed up to Gatlinburg for spring break in 2008 and, of course, Dollywood. Would be great to meet up with you, Guy, or anybody else over the season or at Christmas time (Cfc). Please keep me in mind if you want an excuse to meet or talk shop, since I'm in northern Alabama and not terribly far away.

 

Guy, great tr thus far.

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That was weird? It only posted one picture of my last segment. I'm sure it was user error. I fail!

 

Meh! I'll try again.

 

PT. TROIS - The train ride!

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This looks strangly familiar! See the train! Go train go! See the train go.

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Did I mention that everyone here a Dollywood is super nice. Almost too nice. Kinda creepy nice. Stepford Wives nice. Without all the killing. but nice none the less.

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See the family on the train. Happy family. Happy family on the train.

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OK, for some reason I can only add three pictures at a time or the post crashes. So here is more of the train ride in three picture segments.

 

PT. TROIS.2

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Mystery Mine through the trees. Really through the trees. Actually, it's more like, trees! with Mystery Mine all in the background. but look at that foliage. It's beautiful. Oh, and Mystery Mine is an fun, surprising coaster with some of the best themeing this side of Disney and Universal/IOA.

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Yay Thunderhead! My #5 favorite wooden coaster! Speaking of ranking your coasters. Be sure to fill out your Mitch Hawkers Wood Coaster Poll befor the deadline at the end of the month.

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This is the Splash Battle site. It is right behind Mystery Mine. Aside from clearing, a retaining wall, and some subterranian pipe laying. There is not much going on over here right now. I'm sure construction will pick up pretty quick after the hollidays though. Tee Hee! I said pipe laying.

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Speaking of craftmans alley loop. The pathway has been finished. They just need to pave and theme it.

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Wait a minute! That's not pioneer stuff. Dollywood seems to be clearing stuff. What on earth could that be for? Actualy, I don't know. It's the high turnaround for the train. They leveled the entire thing. I have no idea why. It's no where near the Splash Battle site or the new craftmans alley loop.

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A pioneer outhouse. The pioneers used these to take a crap in at rock concerts. Then they would wait for the chess club geek to go in and roll it over on him. Ha Ha! Stupid pioneer chess club geek!

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And an old dumprtuck and a bulldozer from back in the day. the pioneers used these to build freeways for the wagon trains.

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And some old rusty train crap.

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I love that they have all this cool stuff from back in the old western days. Here's a rusty old wagon.

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See the train go. Go train go! The train goes fast.

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But wait! There's one more picture. This is the huge teaser for segment Quatre. That's four for those in the know.

 

PT. TROIS.3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WAIT FOR IT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WAIT FOR IT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And GO!

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CRAFTMANS ALLEY! WOO HOO! PROBABLY THE SINGLE REASON I GO TO DOLYWOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE!

I know, a huge build up, with a lame payoff. I fail!

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Thanks for all the kind words. If any of you are ever heading out to Dwood. Let me know. I love the place, and would love to meet up if I'm available to do so.

 

With that said, I bring you,

 

PT QUATRE!

 

Craftmans Alley.

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These birds are beautiful.

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Also in craftmans alley is the Bald Eagle sanctary. 11 birds reside here.

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See how the man penatrates the Glory Hole with his massive 6 foot pole. No sexual innuendos here folks.

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Wow! A 2400 degree Glory Hole! it must be Lindsey Lohan, the craft experience.

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WAGONS DADDY! WAGONS I TELLS YA!

 

what are you lookin at old man?

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They make real wagons here!

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And now! Craftwomen! Kinda like Catwoman... ...with crafts! this woman was Throwing Copper. And trust me, it hurts when she hit you too.

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And now! Craftmen! This dude was shaping iron! Awesome!

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"Guy, put your f^@K!ng camera awa... ...D@m^!t, did you just take a picture of me? This better not end up on line. @ss#0le!

Would I do that to you honey? Ha Ha!

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Grilled cheese, Doritos, and a Coke! Breakfast of champions sweetie.

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Jarett, how are your deep fried potatoes? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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BUT FIRST... ...DOLLYFOOD! OMFG! THE BBQ PULLED PORK WAS THE ULTIMATE!

Tee Hee! I said pulled pork!

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You can not go wrong with barbecue in Craftman's Valley. We have tried to go to a different place to eat each time, because there is SO many great places to eat there. That being said, I could eat that barbecue every time!

 

I really enjoyed your report. You really covered the whole park well.

 

I am definitely going to go to Dollywood at least one more time before the year is out, so maybe we can arrange a mini-TPR get together.

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Only two more segments left! Hang in there people.

 

If everything goes according to plan. I should be out of everybodys hair by this time tomorrow. Then this little PTR can drop off into obscurity and just become a novelty whenever someone does a Dollywood search.

 

With that said, I give you...

 

PT. CINQ - THE SHOWS!

 

There is lots to offer you on this home front. Again, tons of music all over the park. As we have been here before and will most likely be here a couple more times this season. We went to a few shows that we had never seen before.

 

First up, TINKER! The talking Christmas tree and his elf friends. Tell us the story of why presents are given during this time of the year. Oh, and they have awesome audience sing along songs.

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IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT WANTED TO EAT YOU! Yeah, I know. The kids love it. But seriously, scariest thing ever!

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OMG! It's a giant talking Christmas tree. I guess this would be alright if...

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