Theme Park Review's 2008 Asia Tour!

Oooh. Snazzy.... Posting this from a small local Show

Not quite as good. Tango, Zipper, Huss Rainbow ride,

Random dark ride, chairoplane, Matterhorn and a dual

Swinging Ships ranger style ride are the highlights

But will stop boring you all now. Enjoy the culture and

can't wait for the reports... And yes I am hungry now LOL.

Had I joined earlier I would have joined you. Oh well

have fun and stay safe.

xxx Luv, Kate

Hehe, you all look absolutely tired. Good luck with the trip, can't wait for more updates.

I'm posting this on my blackberry while taking a crap at the awesome chinese restaurant we just ate at (TMI??? Dude you're reading TPR!)

 

We've had an awesome day of "culture" visiting Ming Tombs and now we are off to the Great Wall for more culture and the apline coaster!

 

The weather is amazing....clear blue skies! We saw the Birds Nest and Water Cube this morning on our way to the first culture stop.

 

More photos to come later!

 

--Robb

I'm posting this on my blackberry while taking a crap at the awesome chinese restaurant we just ate at (TMI??? Dude you're reading TPR!)

Heh. I just have a tendency to babble and that was a boring time. Wish I was there. Eat some testicle for us, all you guys...

We saw the Birds Nest and Water Cube this morning on our way to the first culture stop.

 

More photos to come later!

 

--Robb

 

Looking forward to it man! Is there still any flare of the Olympics in Beijing?

 

John

We've had an awesome day of "culture" visiting Ming Tombs and now we are off to the Great Wall for more culture and the apline coaster!

 

Mutainyu section? If so I've been on that alpine coaster and it's awesome. Watch out for the random chinese on the mountain telling you to brake lol

TPR's China Trip - Day 1 - "Culture Day!"

 

Today was "Culture Day" on TPR's China trip. This is a pretty unusual thing for us to do as we normally do not have a day of random cultural stuff but being the amount of things to do and see in the beijing area I think it would have been a shame not to do this and it also is a good time to get everyone over some jet lag before hitting up parks.

 

We did do a somewhat park and coaster related thing today though....read on!

"Hey big American...buy some hats and t-shirts and I'll show you some nice titties!" Ok...that was Mexico...not quite the same, but close! (minues the titties!)

These market stalls reminded me of being in Mexico. They would do anything to grab your attention...

Jeff has a SERIOUS case of camel toe!

"Everyone go through that tiny hole..."

Next stop was the Ming Tombs. Our guide told us the story that the emporers would be buired with tons of hot chicks! Dude, I totally want to rule China!!!

The Coke cans were exploding with all kinds of Olympics goodness.

"I have a Pepsi fetish, ok! Don't judge me."

"What do you mean the coaster is closed due to poor maintanance? I want my money back dammit!!!!"

Joey, your Rabbi is NOT going to be happy about this!

Our first stop of culture day was to a factory where some Chinese laborers made some jade stuff. Really, they just wanted the tourists to buy stuff, but it was interesting at least. It reminded me of being on a cruise ship where they take you to the big shops in port.

I've seen that somewhere before...maybe it was in that Sylvester Stallon/Wesley Snipes movie about the futre...I dunno...but I *know* I've seen it somewhere recently...

Speaking of the Olympics they had lanes on the motorway marked off that were restricted to Olympics traffic to help get the atheletes and other staff around the city quicker.

We headed out for "Culture Day" and as you can see the air is clear and the traffic is light! All part of the Beijing 'clean up' that was going on for the Olympics.

Elissa has to scold some people... "Joey! I told you! No playing with yourself in public! That could get you thrown into scary Chinese prison!"

Our day started out at the 5-star beijing Marriott! Only high class hotels for the China tour!

Time for dinner...guess what we are eating?

Turns out some people didn't adhere to the "One Family, One Sled" rule so these guys are up for adoption.

KidTums is totally thinking "You guys pulled me away from Chinese Gang Bang 4 for this???"

"Coming down the Great Wall...TPR STYLE!!" (You gotta admit that's a really kick ass view!)

The trip down the mountain is "fun"...not really thrilling or very fast...but fun. I think KidTums actually looks bored!

"You guys all ready to do some sleding...or sliding...or whatever they call it..."

Time to head back down via Alpine...um...sliding car!

ROBB!!! DO NOT EAT THE GREAT WALL! IT HAS NO SOY SAUCE!

HA! All you sad and pathetic credit whore losers! It's *NOT* a coaster...it's a "sliding car." So there! If you are a "sliding car enthusaist" then fine...count it! But is it a coaster? NOOOOOOOO!!!! The sign says so!

I smell a Christmas Card picture! Oh wait, maybe that was me just farting out the Kung Pao Chicken.

KidTums! You are too young to star in "Chinese Gang Bang 4!"

You have to admit that is really freaking AWESOME!

TPR at the Great Wall of China! This goes down in TPR history as the most cultural thing we have ever...EVER done!!!

On the Alpine Coaster lift you can get a glimpse of the Great Wall...THROUGH THE TREES!!!

"Wyatt...Your kitchen is BLUE!"

First we go through the gay pride tunnel. This is a sign that China is finally coming out of the closet.

"Going up the Great Wall? This is the only way to fly!"

Yup! KidTums is allowed to ride....OUTSIDE the restraint...better hold on tight! Well, at least this is only the going up part!

This would be our carriage of choice getting up the Great Wall. 15 Apline Coaster cars all hooked together.

Very kind of them to warn us when there are bad beers nearby.

KidTums is carried up the Great Wall C3P-O on Chewie style!

"Track and Block Falls" = Apline Coaster!

"That's right...if you touch the elephant, 100 kittens randomly explode all over the world."

"Hey Mr. Fish...you don't look so badass now with your guts and skeleton hanging out!"

We would like to introduce you to "Mr. Fish." Mr. Fish was a gansta rapper on the east sieeed who pimped out a dozen ho's. Those who didn't pay up got a cap in their ass.

"French Fries and Pepsi...I'm totally set for China!"

"Ok....I think you can stop bringing the beer now..."

"Hey everyone! We are on our way to get....FOOD!!!!" (there was much rejoicing!)

"Um....mommy...what's going on here?!?!?"

Joey! DO NOT steal Ming's Cash!

"It's just like being at Epcot!"

There were some very odd rules at the Ming Tomb...especially rule #5...NO EROTIC SERVICE??? SCREW THIS PLACE!!!

"You must be as tall as this Chinese boy to ride the Ming Tomb"

Hey Jahan! Chinese women drive the Fit also!

KidTums was VERY popular today!

More...

And finally we end the update with Joey's new lover...apparently the Chinese are used to guys with small penises! (Wasn't she in Beetlejuice?)

 

Tomorrow we hit our first real park...Beijing Shijingshan Park!

MUST. EAT. BUTTERSCOTCH CHICKEN!

After they saw Jeff the Human Smokestack, he was given this sign to wear as a reminder! (They also know the alzheimer's is kicking in!)

"More beer!??! I love China!"

"French Fries twice in one day? This is better than BeelteBen's 30 Euro Amsterdam Prostitute!"

Yup! Chinese Food!

Great Pictures Robb.

The one of Kidtums and the 3 other kids was the best. Also that alpine sled looked awesome. Can't wait to see more.

Great update and pics so far.

 

Very nice 'Christmas card' pic. Made me think "WTF Robb Alvey looking normal on a photo"...... then I scrolled down 2 more Brilliant!

 

Can't wait to see pics from the parks! Keep up the good work!

For the record....not ALL New Englanders are as culinarily uncultured as Rich. Go'bless them fuzz.

Nice pictures of the first day's. Glad you guys have nice weather. To bad I couldn't go on this trip too. O, btw I am the girlfriend of Midas.

 

Have fun !

Culture AND coasters....I'm impressed!!

 

Keep up the good work!

 

David

Ah!!!!! I miss China. I want to go next year!!!!!!! And what up with the fries? There's better stuff in China besides fries. If he wants fries, then come out to California, and go to In-N-Out burger. BEST. FRIES. EVAR! 'Nuff Said.

Awesome pics! altho they dont look as crazy as the East Coasters! WOOT!

Great pictures. Have fun over there.

 

Loved the Epcot caption

Big thank you Robb! Enjoyed this much.

Rich is not alone in his Pepsi ways and I dig Chris's(?) coolie hat. And ButterScotch Chicken?! Man that sounds good....

 

Welcome back Ice Bat! Cheers you guys.

 

I'm posting this on my blackberry while taking a crap at the awesome chinese restaurant we just ate at (TMI??? Dude you're reading TPR!)

Truely, a Sims 2 moment. Wow. Just....wow.....

"French Fries twice in one day? This is better than BeelteBen's 30 Euro Amsterdam Prostitute!"

 

BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

Awesome pics and I'm glad you all are having a great time so far. Wow, it seemslike Kidtums grew so much since I saw her not that long ago!

First off, I'm really sorry you guys are having such a lousy time.

 

Oh yeah, I hate you all for being there, while I'm stuck at work, you all suck and should all die!

 

Okay, now that that's out of my system. Great update and I hope that you keep Joey drunk enough so that you get back you can say, "Hey Joey, remember when we were in China and we saw the Great Wall?"

 

"What?! I was in China?"

i never knew the great wall had transportation besides from walking.looks like obesity is kickin in.

Hey Robb did you guys feel and tremors from the earthquake?

Great pictures! I love the 'Christmas Card' picture!

This is all FAKE !!! I visited the Great Wall, and there was a huge red B&M looper when I was there. WHERE IS DRAGON KHAN ???

Can you enquire about why the chinese spiked the Australian Olympic teams food and cost us at least 10 gold medals, I know the government would be very responsive to such enquiries.

 

The Great Wall looks great, but I am sure it was soon forgetten when the furious debate began about whether the Alpine Coaster is a credit or not.

I bet Chinese Gang Bang 4 is already available in the piracy markets in Beijing