Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports Land

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby anonymouscactus » Thu Jul 13, 2017 9:12 am

^ lmao. so apparently the "Raven Nut Tingle" is actually a thing and I don't need to see a doctor after all... all 9 rides, different seats... sorry for being so detailed lol!! No other ride have I experienced this.

Now let's move on and never speak of this again.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Canobie Coaster » Thu Jul 13, 2017 9:14 am

^ I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about with this nut tingle. :lmao:
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:47 pm

Alright everyone... do not adjust your monitors. I'm actually writing my third report in 3 days. It's REALLY that slow of a week at the office.

We once again awoke in Florence Kentucky to the sweet aroma of Big Boy burgers and cow sh*t. Shockingly, our hotel was still standing after the storm and (despite another forecast for damaging tornadoes and widespread property damage) the sun was shining and it was shaping up to be another pleasant eight thousand degree morning.

It was a lazy morning for us. Since we were so close and since the weather was nice we decided that it was a perfect opportunity to finally visit Cincinnati's Coney Island before heading up to America's Rockin' Non Stoppin' Seagull Sh*t Droppin' Mufflehead infested Roller Coast. Coney Island didn't open until 11 AM and we were less than an hour away, so we slept in a little bit before finally making our way back to Brit's tornado chasing Prius (which does sort of resemble the Dominator from that old Storm Chaser show... maybe that's why we're still alive :lol: ) and head to the park.

Like many people, I knew next to nothing about this park going in. I've seen a few pictures of their Python coaster but you really never hear anything about the rest of the park. Honestly that's a shame, because this place is really nice.

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The front gate. I totally stole this picture for a Facebook collage because we forgot to take one so why not double down and do it again?

Coney Island is nestled right beside the Ohio River at the Kentucky and Ohio state line and features a separate dry park and water park. Both are small but nice and a $22 ticket gets you in to both parks. Luckily, you also have the option of purchasing a ticket to each park individually and we opted for the (very reasonable) rides and attractions ticket for $13.50.

PS: I used the word "nestled" because this park is f*cking adorable. Saying the park was "located" beside the river wouldn't come close to accurately portraying how nice it was... this is way better. Saying that something is "nestled" somewhere instantly makes it 10 times nicer. I read it in a book once.

We arrived a few minutes before opening and noticed a mechanic sitting on top of the Python lift with a track section removed. Normally this would be cause for alarm but since it's a sh*tty Zyklon we assumed that when he was done he would just pick it up and put it back where it belonged in about 30 seconds. Still, we didn't want to buy our tickets until we saw it running so we decided to walk around the park a little and check it out.

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This place is so nice!

Aside from Python, there were a few other rides here I was really looking forward to. One of which was the Rock-O-Plane because I had never ridden one. The others were Top Spin (which is not a Top Spin) and Wipeout (which is not a Wipeout). I was excited to ride those two for similar reasons. Funland in Rehoboth Beach (where we vacation every year) had just removed their Moser Flipping Action Arm for an SBF Visa Dance Party (inverting frisbee) so I was hoping to check out the Dance Party (since we hadn't been down to the beach yet) and I wanted to ride a Flipping Action Arm one last time.

I loved the Flipping Action Arm (Superflip) and had never seen one anywhere else so I knew this might be last chance to ever ride one. Sadly, it was down (which is typical of these rides and probably why Funland removed it) so that wasn't to be. Luckily we saw Top Spin testing so we knew we'd be able to get a ride on that.

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What is it with the Midwest and their phallic fountains? Seriously though, fountain aside... look how nice this place is!

As we circled back around we saw Python running (that was fast) so we decided it was finally time to get our wristbands and get in line. The ride had just opened for the day so we joined the short queue and found ourselves in the front row within about 5 minutes. The ride itself is fun, but nothing special. I did notice that the restraints were a bit restrictive and not overly friendly to taller people but after a little maneuvering I was in. We got the credit, but that was a one and done for us. It was fine, but I was honestly much more excited about the park's other rides.

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Python in all it's glory.

While I was eager to check out Rock-O-Plane, Brit wanted to ride the Flying Bobs so we headed over there next. This was a really old one which made it super cool. They ran a great cycle on it too, so I'm definately glad she dragged me onto it. Good call Brit!

Brit had decided she was going to sit the Rock O Plane out, but there was no way I wasn't riding it so I headed over there next for a solo ride.

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What a great ride!

I really didn't know much about these things but they're a ton of fun, surprisingly low tech and overall super cool. It's essentially just a regular Ferris wheel in a cage. If you don't do anything, that's all it'll be BUT if you hit the foot pedal it locks your car in it's current position as it moves around the wheel. It was really simple to get the hang of and within a few rotations I had figured out how to hold the car upseideown at the top of the ride, bottom of the ride or wherever I wanted. This thing was great! Why aren't there more of these?

When I got off I tried to convince Brit to give it a shot, explaining that she could easily avoid flipping it but she no longer trusts me on anything theme park related so she wasn't caving. I guess after enough instances of saying "No, don't worry sweetie you barely get wet at all on this flume" she decided to stop listening to me. I can't say that I blame her. :lol:

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Once again... this place is REALLY nice

Following that we walked around a little more, taking in the scenery and riding a few rides along the way. I guess one of my only complaints is that even though you're right on the water, the river isn't really visible from the ride area at all. Still, the back part of the park was really nice with it's impressive flower beds and well manicured midways.

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Tilt a Whirl! I'm surprised they actually named this ride "Tilt-A-Whirl" and not Gravitron, Chaos, Flying Scooters, Bumper Cars or something else to keep with the theme of naming all of their flat rides after other flat rides.

We finished up the back of the park with rides on Tilt a Whirl and Top Spin, both of which were a ton of fun and then (you guessed it) it started to cloud up and we realized we should probably head out soon.

The park is really set up in sort of a loop, so we continued on past the dick fountain to an area with a few midway games, food establishments and restrooms. We figured we might be running to the car in a few minutes once the skies inevitably opened up (again) so we ducked into the bathroom real quick and I was amused to see that someone had taken the liberty of re-naming the restroom to something a bit more fitting.

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I laughed way too hard at this...

While waiting for Brit, I walked up to the front section of the loop a little bit and found a few more rides nestled (there it is again) along a small lake. We knew we had to hurry, but we figured we had time for one more ride so I figured I'd go and see what the options were. They had a few different paddle boat rides but anyone who read my Montreal report knows my stance on those god forsaken things. They had an old school high speed Ferris wheel which Brit wanted no part of, a Scrambler, a swinging ship and a Tempest ride.

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The lake front... taken right in front of the "Turd Station™"

I'd never ridden a tempest ride, but basically it involves 4 round cars, each spinning, then spinning around eachother on either side of a spinning arm (the operative word here is "spinning"). If it sounds crazy it's because it is, I didn't really know what my expectations were going in but this thing was completely nuts and I'm really glad we managed to ride it.

After our Tempest ride we figured it was time to head out before the storm rolled in and start our 4 hour trek to Cedar Point. We got to the car just in the nick of time, almost as if the coaster gods were telling us it was time to stop dicking around and head up to the Coaster Capital.

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Thanks for a great morning Coney Island!

As we got in the car, headed out of the lot, turned our windshield wipers on full speed (again) and braved another morning monsoon I looked over at Brit and said something I never thought I'd ever say... "Holy sh*t I can't wait to get up to Cedar Point where the weather is normal". Luckily we had an absolute blast at Coney Island and the rain held off just long enough. The park is great, the collection of classic flat rides is really cool and I highly recommend this place to anyone who's in the Cincinnati area.

Up next... Cedar Point!
Last edited by coasterbill on Thu Jul 13, 2017 1:02 pm.

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Canobie Coaster » Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:56 pm

Great report! Those little galaxi/zyklon coasters can give a solid pop of air on the first two drops if there are two cars attached like Python. I've never been to Coney Island Ohio, but it looks particularly nice.

If you want a Super Flipping Arm, Gillian's just added one. Maybe it was from Funland?
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Thu Jul 13, 2017 1:12 pm

Canobie Coaster wrote:If you want a Super Flipping Arm, Gillian's just added one. Maybe it was from Funland?


Wow, that's awesome news! I somehow missed that part of your report but yes. That IS Funland's and it even had Funland's old branding on it in that picture you took. Once Wild Waves opens we'll definately head to Ocean City and you better believe I'm riding Superflip again (even though now I have to pay Jersey Shore prices to ride it and not Funland prices which is a pretty massive difference. No more riding it for $1.50 I'm sure :lol: ).

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby Canobie Coaster » Thu Jul 13, 2017 1:17 pm

coasterbill wrote:Once Wild Waves opens we'll definately head to Ocean City and you better believe I'm riding Superflip again


So you're saying you'll never ride Superflip again? :lmao:
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coasterbill » Thu Jul 13, 2017 1:21 pm

Canobie Coaster wrote:
coasterbill wrote:Once Wild Waves opens we'll definately head to Ocean City and you better believe I'm riding Superflip again


So you're saying you'll never ride Superflip again? :lmao:


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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby prozach626 » Thu Jul 13, 2017 2:40 pm

anonymouscactus wrote:^ lmao. so apparently the "Raven Nut Tingle" is actually a thing and I don't need to see a doctor after all... all 9 rides, different seats... sorry for being so detailed lol!! No other ride have I experienced this.
.
Sounds like I need to take the three hour trip to HW and marathon Raven. I want to make extra sure I don't have any kids within the next couple years.
(everyone should be thankful)

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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby coneyislandchris » Fri Jul 14, 2017 4:11 am

coasterbill wrote:What is it with the Midwest and their phallic fountains?

I dunno but that's not the only thing that's phallic with Coney Island Cincinnati... from their website, this is the logo on their loading splash screen.

Screen Shot 2017-07-14 at 7.07.56 AM.png
I don't know why the letter C is ejaculating, and frankly, I don't want to know.

Thanks for the report. I'm gonna try to figure out how to work this place into our next road trip, because honestly, I forgot it even exists but it looks like a cool little place to kill a few hours. (And $6.95 kids' admission? Dang. That's Lakemont pricing right there.)
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Re: Coasterbill's Alcohol, Coaster and Culture Trip Reports

Postby boldikus » Fri Jul 14, 2017 6:09 am

Another fantastic update. You should get paid for writing.

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