Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Holy Land! - Page 114
Users viewing this topic: No registered users and 1 guest
Discuss theme parks, roller coasters, and mules!
Permanent Tourist
User avatar
 
Posts: 1863
Joined: 23 Apr 2006
Location: Orlando
Gender: Male
Age: 47

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Electerik » Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:28 pm

Well, here it is: the last proper update to Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures. We leave for Las Vegas in a few days. There were a few places we never got to--and a few that we did, that I just never got around to posting about. Apologies. But, we couldn't leave without giving you this...

The Holy Land Experience
01P1120485.JPG
The "main" entrance, that they apparently no longer use...?
02P1120095.JPG
Sweet! Aslan!
03P1120104.JPG
What's this now?
04P1120100.JPG
There's actually quite a few static figures and displays in the parking lot and outside the gate. Therefore, by my scientific calculations, considering that parking is free, and it's $45 to enter the "park," you get a better, more cost-efficient experience by not actually going in.
05P1120121.JPG
Super hero camel!
06P1120112.JPG
Noah's all-kinds-of-jacked-up-scale ark!
07P1120114.JPG
The best thing I did. Outside the gate. Free.
08P1120110.JPG
Squinty cartoon guy welcomes you to his three-quarters of a shack.
10P1120105.JPG
The main entrance. Guarded by Roman soldiers and their legendary war giraffes.
12P1120133.JPG
These cardboard cutouts are everywhere. I guess it's cheaper than paying someone to stand there....
13P1120139.JPG
I'm...not even sure what's happening in here.
14P1120143.JPG
The coffee shop is nice.
16P1120145.JPG
This is that book of the bible where Jesus jumped the shark.
18P1120172.JPG
So, the front part of Holy Land is the kid section. Which is weird. So I liked that.
19P1120152.JPG
Inside the whale is an octopus and a starfish, both with creepy human faces, because the bible.
20P1120156.JPG
Also, Jonah, who is levitating.
22P1120170.JPG
Still, the kids area looked nice enough. I don't think I saw a child there that day, though.
23P1120168.JPG
Jesus' balls.
25P1120146.JPG
Sure, why not?
26P1120177.JPG
This bench is closed due to penguins. Peace.
27P1120173.JPG
Nothing happens here.
29P1120179.JPG
I am biblically strong!
30P1120183.JPG
Moses part the Red Sea, whilst fighting a flying shark. Next, on Syfy!
32P1120197.JPG
The Church of Agony. Also called Something More Pleasant.
33P1120190.JPG
The Church of the Triangular Alleyway
34P1120188.JPG
Another nice store. Too bad they just sell Jesus stuff.
35P1120220.JPG
King of the callback.
36P1120211.JPG
So, goofy as it sometimes is, it must be said that much of Holy Land is actually quite nice.
37P1120222.JPG
The Jesus Death Hole

King of the callback.
38P1120231.JPG
There's really just one restaurant. They serve Chick-fil-A.

Not kidding.
39P1120236.JPG
However, they don't just serve Chick-fil-A. Here are a couple of the other items.
41P1120240.JPG
The Jesus Boat

No, look, it actually says that.

That's the name of my next band, by the way.
42P1120243.JPG
OH MY GOD, FISH!!!!!!!!!1!
43P1120247.JPG
Hey, check out my lake. Nice day for a walk, eh? Ha ha, just a little me humor. You look good. I'll be back on shore in a second. Did you see my boat? Not sure why I had that. Don't really need it.
44P1120254.JPG
See? Pretty.
45P1120250.JPG
This is just...weird.
47P1120256.JPG
Please don't put your finger in my palm hole. Yeah, I know you want to. Just don't.
48P1120263.JPG
Well, at least they're copping to it.
49P1120275.JPG
..ad, and looked at it smarmily.
52P1120309.JPG
Tiny Jesus welcomes you.
53P1120307.JPG
Oh! Oh! I know what that is!
54P1120311.JPG
Some kind of show. I dunno. I didn't stick around.
55P1120324.JPG
Sample joke from this guy: "Do you know why they closed all the Walmarts in Iraq? Because they just become Targets anyway."
56P1120328.JPG
There's some kind of show about books or something in this building.
57P1120331.JPG
We got really excited because it has a queue!
59P1120337.JPG
Unfortunately, they don't allow photography, so we skipped it. Here's an angel stabbing itself in the head.
60P1120354.JPG
The Scriptorium gift shop.
64P1120371.JPG
This path winds between the lake and the fence that separates the park from the parking lot. And it has animals on it. I'm pretty sure you can see them through the fence. You know, if you don't want to pay to get in. I'm just saying.
65P1120380.JPG
That's weird kerning.

Wait, is that kerning? Or would that be something else? Well, anyway, it's weird.
66P1120395.JPG
Here's a thing. To the side, there's a big dry erase board where ordinary weirdos can write nonsense.
68P1120417.JPG
Jesus!
69P1120418.JPG
Lions love Christians.
70P1120444.JPG
Shroud of Turin exhibit.
72P1120427.JPG
Well, this looks impressive.
73P1120426.JPG
Too bad we can't stay.
75P1120424.JPG
I can only assume they used to sell jewelry here. But now it's gifts and snacks. But still with the jewelry cases and chairs. So...yeah.
76P1120422.JPG
I just Googled "The 7 Foods of Deuteronomy" and found this: Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk. 0.o
77P1120469.JPG
Forever and ever, ABBA.
78P1120476.JPG
His eyes are on you.

King of the callback.
80P1120437.JPG
Hey, it's been fun. Stay out of trouble, TPR. And when you drive past something weird, and debate whether you should check it out of not, think about what Erik & Smisty would do.

And then keep driving.
Last edited by Electerik on Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:49 pm.
Erik Allen Elness

Image

Don't put that donkey on the floor!
User avatar
 
Posts: 1638
Joined: 03 Dec 2009
Location: dimension not only of sight & sound but parabolic airtime hills/g-spot orgasms
Gender: Male

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby DirkFunk » Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:43 pm

And so this thread has died. RIP thread.

...unless it comes back to life in three days. Then it is possibly the antichrist. REPENT THE RAPTURE IS AT HAND! Is that how it works? I don't really know. Also there was only one way to possibly end this thread acceptably and this was indeed it. Wow. Wow again. Wow a thousand times over. Jesus on the motorcycle is the pinnacle of themed entertainment. I am immersed sitting in my home. Everyone at Goddard Group, Disney, Thinkwell Group, whatever, y'all might as well just quit. Walk away. Nothing will ever top that.

Obsessive Overlord of the TPR Park Index
 
Posts: 17302
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Location: Staten Island, New York
Gender: Male
Age: 50

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby larrygator » Tue Apr 08, 2014 5:53 pm

I loved your prayer request.

I didn't look at the picture to closely and thought your Chick-Fil-A comment was a joke.
As usual, my analysis is free of charge!
Original enough to not steal someone else's quote as a signature

Image
Image

Site Admin
User avatar
 
Posts: 46507
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Location: Orlando, FL
Gender: Male

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby robbalvey » Tue Apr 08, 2014 7:44 pm

HOLY CRAP! (And I mean that in an epic biblical sense) This was the PERFECT send off to this thread. I am so happy we have a trip report to Holy Land I think I'm going to tweet them about it right now!

Oh, and this photo...
Image
WHY IS THERE A SHARK!?!!?

It's like the Dave Thomas version of the bible!!!

I've gone pantless!
User avatar
 
Posts: 32911
Joined: 21 Sep 2005
Location: In the lair of the Huge Hummel Boy (which is conveniently located near Williamsburg, Va.)
Gender: Male
Age: 57

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby cfc » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:02 pm

"Bad kerning"? I'd say no. Definitely poor design and word division, though.

Image

Give unto us your Sacred Comma. Or perhaps they mean "Zen Comma"?

I agree with Robb--the perfect send off to this thread.
Image
Image

Obsessive Overlord of the TPR Park Index
 
Posts: 17302
Joined: 17 Aug 2005
Location: Staten Island, New York
Gender: Male
Age: 50

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby larrygator » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:08 pm

^I just noticed. Is that the GEICO caveman in the right background of that photo?
As usual, my analysis is free of charge!
Original enough to not steal someone else's quote as a signature

Image
Image

Have I mentioned how awesome donkeys are?
User avatar
 
Posts: 267
Joined: 04 Feb 2012
Location: Eastern Virginia
Gender: Male
Age: 19

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby zachclarke2 » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:15 pm

Image

This is so full of win!

I've read through about half of this thread, and I can't wait until I get some time to read the rest! Your trip reports are fantastic! Although I haven't read them all, it's obvious in my mind that this was the best send off you possibly could have done.
Check out my photography! ----------> click
And my videos! ----------> click

I Guess Donkeys Are Okay
User avatar
 
Posts: 19
Joined: 28 Jul 2005
Location: Houston, Texas
Gender: Male
Age: 38

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby omiyage » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:20 pm

Thanks for a fun report on a bizarre place! What's with all the cutouts?
I visited this park back in 2005 before it was sold to TBN. To see what it was all about, of course, I am in no way religious. Anyway, I can swear the guy who took our ticket at the entrance was some sort of incarnation of Ned Flanders. Same mustache, same glasses, same voice. It was mind-boggling! Back then they also used the Jesus grave site for a grand closing show every night. Instead of fireworks, the park closed with Jesus being crucified, whips and blood and all. I have a video of it somewhere. It was crazy! :wtf:

This B&M donkey is so smooth!
User avatar
 
Posts: 135
Joined: 13 May 2009
Location: Orlando, FL
Gender: None specified

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby jcrouse » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:29 pm

That was amazing! Thank you for the report. It was very funny and entertaining. Wonder why they didn't allow photos in so many places...

Safe travels to you both!
Image

Site Admin
User avatar
 
Posts: 46507
Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Location: Orlando, FL
Gender: Male

Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby robbalvey » Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:29 pm

Electerik wrote:Well, here it is: the last proper update to Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures. We leave for Las Vegas in a few days.

Soooo.... Erik & Smisty's Las Vegas Oddventures coming soon? :p

PreviousNext

Return to Theme Parks, Roller Coasters, & Donkeys!

Who is online

Users viewing this topic: No registered users and 1 guest

These pages are in no way affiliated with nor endorsed by SeaWorld Parks & Entertainment, Cedar Fair, Legoland, Merlin Entertainment,
Blackstone, Tussaud's Group, Six Flags, Universal Theme Parks, the Walt Disney Company or any other theme park company.

All onride photos and videos on this website were taken with the permission of the park by a professional ride photographer.
For yours  and others safety, please do not attempt to take photos or videos at parks without proper permission.

Disclaimer!  You need a sense of humor to view our site, 
if you don't have a sense of humor, or are easily offended, please turn back now!
Most of the content on this forum is suitable for all ages. HOWEVER!
There may be some content that would be considered rated "PG-13."
Theme Park Review is NOT recommended for ages under 13 years of age.

cron