Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Pirouettes907 » Wed Jul 20, 2011 6:16 pm

This may be my favorite update you guys have ever posted.
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby mcjaco » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:11 am

piers wrote:This takes me back to my Navy days...


Must have been the caption about tranny porn.

He's kind of sad and pathetic
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby BarryH » Thu Jul 21, 2011 9:36 am

The USS American Victory: pay $10 to see a rusty and dirty ship. Yay! This has to be the oddest of the Oddventures. Strangely, now I want to see its skankiness for myself.

I showed a friend the photos of the Presidents Hall of Fame. His response: "It looks like an attic vomited."

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Electerik » Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:12 pm

Pirouettes907 wrote:This may be my favorite update you guys have ever posted.


Really? Awesome! Um...why? :p
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Electerik » Fri Aug 19, 2011 8:47 pm

Before I begin this update, let me just say that we did have a lot of fun at this attraction. Of course, I'm still going to eviscerate it. It's just what I do.

Central Florida Zoo & Botanical Gardens

(You have no idea how badly I want to put quotation marks around the words "botanical gardens.")
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The entry sign is nice....
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There is a zoo back here somewhere, right? Well, at least they have plenty of room to expand.
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The parking lot. Well, not the whole thing. But this is in it.
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The main entrance. I like trains and carousels, so that's nice.
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Entry is $11.95 for adults, but we got 50% off due to already being members of a partnering zoo. The train ride cost us another $3.00 each.
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You've just seen the best thing here.
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There's a lot of space between the ticket booths and the actual zoo, as well. Much of which is filled with ropes courses and zip-lines. Which is cool, if you're into that sort of thing.
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As you can see, this is not a terribly large zoo. The map was nice, though.
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But before we enter it properly, let's check out the insect zoo!
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I think this was what Smisty was most excited about, going in.
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Grasshoppers gettin' it on. Oh yeah!
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Which is more interesting: the giant ants above your head, or the fact that you can play dress-up?
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And make sure to check out all the other fun thing you can do in the Sanford area!

(Not a typo, for once. Not pluralizing "thing" was the joke, you see. Oh, forget it.)
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14 photos into the TR and we finally get to the zoo. That's pretty sad even by my standards.
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Just inside the gate, Smisty spies two Mold-O-Matic machines. One of which craps her out this pink, moth-eared kangaroo-looking thing.
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Toucans eat fruit. So that whole Froot-Loops endorsement thing is fine, really.
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Heading left, we find a children's water play area. But that's not what's interesting. What's interesting is....
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What the hell? "Re-shoe"? People used to do that to horses, right?
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Worst zoo ever.
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...possibly. Like, if one just happens to wander by here and like it.
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There's a big birdhouse on a stick that any bats who might be in the area could chose to land in whilst flying by, if they felt like it. This zoo is a lot like my backyard, which also could have animals in it at any given time.

But what's this? A herpetarium! Looks like it's time to pull out my iPhone and look that word up so I'll know whether to be excited or not.
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Oh, it means snakes and lizards and things! Awesome!
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This is a pointy-nose snake. Yes, that's what it's called. No, don't look it up. Just trust me on this one.
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"Let me outta this crappy zooooooo!!!"
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Who the hell named this thing??
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Well, okay, it is pretty. But I'm more about a snake's personality.

(And also, that's a different snake. Shut up.)
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Heading back outside, we find more theoretical exhibits.
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There's a long "nature walk," made of boards paid for by people like you. And by people who like to shoot animals. Hey, the zoo's not picky.
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Oooh, nature....
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Not an exhibit; he just happened by.
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Hey, Central Florida Zoo, I have a suggestion. Maybe you could put your walkways a tick closer to the exhibits. I'm just saying. (Not that it matters. That little blue sign says that there's nothing in there, anyway.)
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These kind of look like animals. That counts, right?
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A real animal! Quick, get it!
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Actually, there were several animals out like this with zoo employees, which was quite nice. The employees were very friendly, too.
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"Orangutangs are found only on the islands of Sumatra and Borneo. Which is why there are none here, dumb-ass."
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Tamarin: "Do you have any idea how dull it is to have a sloth as a roommate?? We're playing Scrabble and he hasn't moved in three days! Actually, he hasn't *moved* in three days. You may want to go get somebody. I think he might actually be dead."
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"We were just flying by and thought it looked nice. You say this a zoo?"
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If I had to pick one photo to sum up our zoo experience, it would be this one.
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"This is so embarrassing."
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And now for the petting zoo (and gift shop).
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What I like about this sign is the zoo's unwillingness to commit on the issue of whether or not goats enjoy climbing and jumping.
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Animals with horns like to stab things with them. Enjoy!
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And back outside the petting zoo, another animal to pet!

Again, I really liked this. If you're small, make an effort to wow your guests. (Actually, do that no matter how big you are.)
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So...there *are* animals here...but we can't see them?
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"Dude, quit your whining. I'm right here."
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"Can you jump like a kangaroo?" Yes, yes I can.
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I then caught this bird mocking my kangaroo jump.
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I wonder if these trees are traumatized by this? Is it like being surrounded by a bunch of dead bodies? Anyway, this is pretty.
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This was cool. Would've been cooler if we would have seen any cheetahs, but hey.
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Read that sign. No, stop looking at my shoes. Read it again.
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Misty has wings. Except there's a dude there. Checkmate. I'm losing my mind.
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Who had anything to do with this and didn't find it horrifying?
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A butterfly house is the outside, you see. I do hope some happen by.
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I have no caption for this, but I just remembered that there was a boardwalk plank with the name "Shitums" on it.
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I'm not sure why.
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How about a snack? I wonder what's in that compost bucket? I hope it's corn dogs!
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"Ewwwww!"
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This is the single biggest animal enclosure at the Central Florida Zoo. And, appropriately enough, it houses their star animal. There's even raised seating here in case you just want to sit for a while and observe.

Sadly, whatever their star animal was must have died, because the only thing here is a camel.
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Based on this sign, I'm no longer even sure that it's *their* camel. It might just be a rental. You know, until that big giraffe grant finally comes in.

You know you're a crap zoo when your star animal is a camel.
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Florida's Amazing Amphibians. That's what the sign says. Oh yeah? Go and take a better one, if you're so awesome.
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It's not even, like, 50 camels. One frakking camel!
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This is a Children's Python. Which I assumed meant it would be a good pet for a child. Turns out, it was discovered by a man named John George Children. And I am no longer allowed near my nephew.
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"Wait! Don't leave! Please? We'll let you kick a monkey."
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Why would a camel need a big concrete drainage pipe thing, anyway? And what are those things even called?
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It doesn't *look* like laser tag, but okay.
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"I'm angry because I'm being chased by a demented skull monkey! Continuously!"
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Hurray! A train ride that doesn't look at animals! What a perfect fit for this zoo!
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It sounds (and feels) like a lawnmower. We enjoyed it, though. It was fairly long, and had some good wilderness moments.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the botanical gardens!
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If you ever find yourself stranded in Sanford, and you've no means to kill yourself, check out the Central Florida Zoo! It's camel-tastic!

Tune in next time, when Erik & Smisty go to outer space, possibly!
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He's kind of sad and pathetic
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby BarryH » Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:22 pm

I think I visited the Central Florida Zoo in 2003 or 2004. I don't remember it looking like this! I remember a lot of dirt. :)

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby WFChris » Fri Aug 19, 2011 10:08 pm

cfc wrote:This TR reminds me that I was planning on cleaning the bathroom tonight. Thank you for providing this valuable service.


OMG! I had the same thought!

A village is missing its IDIOT!
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Evanaj15 » Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:32 am

Hopefully, i'll be seeing an update from MK soon, No?
I SEE DONKEYS!!!!!!

I wish they would make Street Fighter Donkey.
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby moinab » Sat Aug 20, 2011 4:03 am

Don't mean to be a complainer, but no photo of "Shitums?" :p

That's ok, though, because the awesome horror of the disembodied arms sculpture is completely full of win! :b

I regret that I fell behind on my reading, here, and missed the opportunity to post something timely about the USS Saucy and Piers. :cry:
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby speedmetal » Sat Aug 20, 2011 6:01 am

moinab wrote:Don't mean to be a complainer, but no photo of "Shitums?" :p


As requested...
shitums.jpg

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