Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby vekoma_fan » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:46 am

what? they can't be out of business, its like the BEST key lime pie ever!!! Its almost like I came all the way from Norway just to try one ( and I did, while I was a disney cast )

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby beyondthepalace » Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:25 pm

IMO Kermit's Key Lime Pie is leaps and bounds better then Blonde Giraffe. The overall quality seems more fresh. Kermit himself is at the store a lot (well at least everytime I have been there, I have talked with him). I also enjoy the fact that he has a satellite store in Mt Dora that I can hit up everynow and then (45min away from me instead of 8ish hours)

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Electerik » Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:13 pm

Okay, so what can I say about our first--and almost certainly last--visit to Uncle Bernie's? Obviously, it's ghetto. We knew that. Still, it sounded weird enough that we wanted to see it for ourselves. Of course, once we got there, we were too terrified to actually ride much. Still, it was certainly Oddventures-worthy. And we did live through the experience, so there's that.

Uncle Bernie's Amusement Park, at the Swap Shop
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By night, the Swap Shop is an old-school drive-in movie theater. But, during the day, it becomes UNSPEAKABLE TERROR.
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Parking is $2.00. But still, make sure you lock your car.

You know what? Just avoid the whole issue by NOT EVER COMING HERE.
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Okay, but how do I get up to the roof for the toilets? Screw it, I'll just have some BEER FOOD BEER.
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My mom used to take me to swap meets when I was a kid. Until I was able to finally vocalize how much I despised them.
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Oh look, a free museum!
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Now, you may be wondering, why would we even come to such a place? Morbid curiosity, mostly. And that never hurt anyone, right?
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So, the free museum is full of expensive automobiles--which obviously makes perfect sense at a swap meet.
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Venturing further in to the indoor portion of the Swap Shop, we quickly find ourselves in even weirder territory.
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What are you trying to say, Misty? That we're taking a CHANCE with our lives by being here?
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Don't be a pussy. This store seems legit.
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Yes, drive a mini car. Unless you're Spider-Man. Then just ride a lion.
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"Clowns Things"?
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Heading out of the interior portion of the Swap Shop from the other side, we find ourselves in sort of a breezeway area.
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You can see so much in me, so much in me that's new.
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My imagination actually jumped out of my body and ran away upon viewing this.
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One of two farmer's market areas. This is the nicer one.
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You'll see what no one else can see, and now I'm breaking free!
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Hey, Mexican food! From a trailer!
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With live entertainment. Now that's class.

"Hey, sing Sheena Easton!"

Where the heck is this amusement park thingy, anyway?
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Ooh, how exciting!
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"Safety guide"? Yeah, right.
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Okay, I guess that doesn't look too bad.
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"Cindirella"?
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No one was actually riding, but it looked like the wettest bumper boats ever. Water jets were spraying everywhere.
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As ridiculous as Uncle Bernie's is, I would still take it over most traveling fairs. At least there is some theming, even if it is completely random.
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COMPLETELY RANDOM
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Uncle Bernie's has gone out of their way to provide a fair amount of shade, as well. It's all kinds of ghetto, but still.
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The DeLorean really helps bridge the theming gap between the insane bouncy ride and the medieval castle play area.
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"Hey kids, who wants free candy from my trunk?"
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The "park" is really just one straight midway wedged between the indoor mall and the road.
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The majority of the rides have really generic names to go with their random theming. This is "Mad Trucks."
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I gotta admit, though, Uncle Bernie's does have a certain horrifying charm.
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Check out the bitchin' queue for the log flume.
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We had a hard time judging just how wet this thing gets you, so we passed.
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This makes me laugh in ways I can't quite articulate.
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There is one proper "credit" at Uncle Bernie's, if that's your thing.
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By no means am I a credit whore, but I wanted to ride SOMETHING, and this seemed relatively safe.
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Kiddie coasters can often be violent and horrible, but this one was actually very smooth. Which is good, because they send you around four times.
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My favorite thing in this shot is the "tunneled" section of track on the left.
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Thar she blows.
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Okay, so there's a Ferris wheel. Except that there isn't. If you look closely, you'll notice red trash cans have been attached along the wheel next to each seat. These catch water being pored from the pipe at center-screen. So, basically, the Ferris wheel is just a big water-powered lawn ornament.

And also, Uncle Bernie's invites you for a free dinner! Don't be a pussy.
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Bumper cars!

Well, at least they work.
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Absolutely not.
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A second credit, if you count powered coasters. Which you shouldn't, 'cause that's lame.
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And back to the fast car museum.
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Even the vendors don't think this is a half-day activity.

I really hate swap meets. Uncle Bernie's, on the other hand...well, it's better than the rest of the Swap Shop. How's that?

But seriously, you don't need to go here. Yes, we had to go here. But you don't.
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby mwm1444 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:25 pm

Great report - and the references to my favourite-Bond-film-with-my-least-favourite-Bond-theme were the icing on a very seedy cake.
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby aimster » Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:51 pm

Where the hell is this death trap?
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby traincrossin » Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:51 pm

While this place looks horribly ghetto, it's extremely intriguing and mesmerizing. I can't seem to take my eyes off it. It's like half mall, half yard sale, half museum, and half carnival. And yes, I know four halves equals two, which is exactly what makes this place so messed up! Just so much randomness, i'm not even going to try and explain myself. Great report guys!
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Sir Coaster » Mon Mar 28, 2011 3:58 pm

^Gotta agree. The park is so amazingly ghetto that it's incredibly interesting.

Have to ask, how much was it to get into the park/drive-in/museum (Oh right, it's FREE)/mall?
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby Jakizle » Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:10 pm

It sounds like your time was just as scary as ours!

Aimster, it's off I-95 a few miles north of Boomers.

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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby dandaman » Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:18 pm

Y'know, at first, going to Uncle Bernie's one weekend was sort of a joke among my friends... but after seeing that Delorean, I feel like making the trek, if only to save the poor thing from certain death.

aimster wrote:Where the hell is this death trap?


Fort Lauderdale, about 10 minutes or so from (what I hear is) one of the best coasters in Florida, the Dania Beach Hurricane. One of my goals before I graduate from school down here is to have both the DBH and Abandon Mine experience in the same day, so I can judge for myself which one is better (in the interest of fairness). It's a close race, though, I'm sure.
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Re: Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Postby dandaman » Mon Mar 28, 2011 4:19 pm

Sidenote, sweet zombie Jesus, is this not THE best amusement theme park site you've ever witnessed? http://www.unclebernies.com/

/ "We are open all holidays and spring and summer brakes"
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