ytterbiumanalyst Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) Day 1: Requiem for a Delusion I'm writing this from a New Jersey Transit bus. This is not what I expected to be doing right now, and I daresay it's not anyone's Plan A. But this is not a Plan A sort of trip. It began innocently enough, with my wife driving me to SGF airport at 5AM to catch my flight to Philadelphia. Excitement swirled in my head. I'm going to Knoebels! All went well with the first flight to O'Hare. The second flight was delayed, then overbooked as American piled a bunch of people from a canceled flight and I was bumped to a later one. Only to be un-bumped about 20 minutes later and I got onto my scheduled flight. Ah, the joys of air travel. We got into PHL a little late. The flight was a bit turbulent due to thunderstorms, but no big deal. We flew right over Cedar Point, but since we were almost directly over it, there wasn't a good way to get a photo. We landed in PHL and I got on the SEPTA train to go to the rental car place. I had booked a reservation for an offsite lot because the rental cars were so expensive at PHL. Plus, I'm a train enthusiast as well, so the idea of taking regional rail and an el train was appealing. I texted Boldikus because he wanted to know when I landed, and I mentioned I was on the train to the rental car lot. He asked where it was, and when I told him, this is approximately the conversation: B: You are so f*cked. Me: Really? Is that a bad area? B: That's the Badlands. Me: What's the Badlands? B: Google it. I hope you don't die. I did not Google it just then, because I thought Googling the area to which I was at that very moment traveling would probably give me away as a tourist. Given that I was wearing a bright red St. Louis Cardinals T-shirt, using Google Transit for directions, and rolling a carry-on suitcase behind me, I figured I didn't need any more bright gleaming beacons. I also removed the luggage tag that said PHL and took off my Bluetooth. I figured I shouldn't be listening to podcasts while walking alone in the Badlands rolling a f*cking carry-on suitcase behind me and generally looking like the naive Midwesterner that I absolutely am. I'm going to repeat that thought just for emphasis: I thought that I should remove my Bluetooth headset and not listen to my favourite podcast, Holy F*king Science (actual name of it), a show where a bunch of nerds from Montana try to out-nerd each other with unusual science facts. The fact that I thought that, and the fact that I am writing that sentence on an Internet forum about theme parks, should tell you all you need to know about just how f*cked I truly was. Boldikus strongly recommended I get a cab from the el to the rental car place, but no cab was in sight, and I really didn't want to stand around waiting for one, so I just went. I have never seen such a place as this. I didn't know such a place existed, or even could exist. There was just so much devastation. I have a friend from the south side of Chicago who has told me a lot of stories. It's not that I didn't believe him, but that world just seemed like it couldn't exist. There couldn't possibly be any place where despair is so bad that people are willing to do the kinds of things the characters in his stories do. People just aren't like that. Not in America. They are. And this is who they are and where they live. This trip is as much about Philadelphia as it is about the theme parks. I want to see all the Franklin sites, and the Liberty Bell, and Hamilton's bank. I want to see the history of my country. I want to be where my heroes lived, the people who built all the good and wonderful things I've come to appreciate and to depend on. I want to breathe in the air breathed by the architects of modern democracy. Instead, I saw the people for whom that democracy doesn't work, the people who are left out of everything that I thought this country was about. I saw it, and I thought I was going to die. So I came for Philadelphia, and I saw it. Philadelphia is Franklin's city. It is our first capital and the original seat of Congress. But it's also the Badlands. It's their city too. So here I sit, on my way to a better part of town to pick up a rental car, a part of town I understand. A neighbourhood filled with museums and universities, gleaming office towers and condominiums. I'm going to the Philadelphia I came to see. But I will never forget the Philadelphia I accidentally saw. Approaching Chicago Somewhere down there is Cedar Point. First Chickie's and Pete's sighting! Yeah, I got a welcome all right. My train is here! Off to the Badlands! I have no more photos after this. I was not about to take any photos in that area. Edited August 12, 2017 by ytterbiumanalyst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ed Farmer Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Well, that was a great start. Looking forward to this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Oh man! Great start. At least I was able to warn you. Looking forward to more! *And for the record I love my city! Just like any major urban areas there are really bad sections of Philly, and when Andrew texted me the address of his rental car spot, my mouth dropped open because I knew exactly where he was headed. There are just handful of small, but really sh*tty neighborhoods here, and he was headed directly into the center of one. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Badlands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coasterbill Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Well this is definitely an interesting start to the report. Can't wait to see more. Since you're still alive hopefully we'll run into you tonight for some bull rides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KBrylczyk Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Eh, if the sun was up you were fine. Those parts of Philly only get mean when the sun goes down and the amber lighting takes over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKI Jizzman Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Cards shirt, backpack, and headphones? Oh man that's an unholy trinity. Glad you made it through with no issues! Every now and then I read tripadvisor forums, and the typical hot threads in Chicago are "Got this sweet airbnb deal...wait is this close to millennium park?" And they're down in Englewood or North Garfield in the zone. Love Google transit, though. It'll make your life so easy in a new city. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Eh, if the sun was up you were fine. Those parts of Philly only get mean when the sun goes down and the amber lighting takes over. A lost-looking white dude rolling around a suitcase @ K and Erie is asking for it, day or night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bert425 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 weird you didn't just do what we did, and fly into Pittsburgh, and rent a car and then drive to Philly. hope you had a great time, but at least the fact you're posting, proves you made it thru! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Because he's not going to Pittsburg and thats a 6 hour drive. Hershey, Knoebels, Moreys, Great Adv and Dorney are all within an hour to 2.5 hours from here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bert425 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Because he's not going to Pittsburg and thats a 6 hour drive. Hershey, Knoebels, Moreys, Great Adv and Dorney are all within an hour to 2.5 hours from here. but if you START in Pittsburg, the car rental is way cheaper, and you can start off with Kennywood. that's why I was wondering ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Well I'll wait and let Andrew answer why he didn't include Kennywood in his itinerary. I just got a text of his first reaction to Toro and it is priceless. I don't want to spoil his report so yall are gonna have to wait for his update! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ytterbiumanalyst Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 (edited) It was an odd beginning to the trip, for sure. This report is unusual for me, too, in that I'm actually still on the trip. Usually I do this right after I get back to kind of digest the experience. This essay, though, I felt worked best if I was still feeling those emotions of fear, uncertainty, and a loss of what I had previously thought was true. It was important to write this in that moment. weird you didn't just do what we did, and fly into Pittsburgh, and rent a car and then drive to Philly. hope you had a great time, but at least the fact you're posting, proves you made it thru! Yep, I'm alive despite all the odds. As for the planning, it all came down to too many things I wanted to do in Pennsylvania for the time I could take off work. Something had to go. Pittsburgh is at the extreme end of how far I would go on a road trip, while Hershey and Knoebels are just over the limit of how long I can drive in one day. So that's where the line was drawn. If I'm going to all the trouble of flying, I'm prioritising the parks can I can only reach by plane. I do plan to work Kennywood and Waldameer into a future Cedar Point trip. Edited August 12, 2017 by ytterbiumanalyst Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I actually thought to text you that you should start at least writing your report with those feelings fresh in your mind. Especially since you'll have nothing but fun the rest of the week and by the end of it you'll have mostly forgotten about how awful the first day of the trip was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coasterbill Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Are you on your phone at Great Adventure?!?!?!?! Man you're a rebel... that sh*t needs to go in a locker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ytterbiumanalyst Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 ^ I'm in the queue for the Safari. Animals don't care about that sh*t. I actually thought to text you that you should start at least writing your report with those feelings fresh in your mind. Especially since you'll have nothing but fun the rest of the week and by the end of it you'll have mostly forgotten about how awful the first day of the trip was. That's writer's instinct talking! Brought to you by the Professional Organization of English Majors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Make sure the giraffes don't try to eat your phone. They like to get up close and personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canobie Coaster Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Great start! I didn't see the dark side of Philly since the one time I was there was for the Pope and I was told by a local they cleaned it up for his visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philrad71 Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Looking forward to this one, Andrew! Note to self - avoid Badlands while in Philly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ytterbiumanalyst Posted August 15, 2017 Author Share Posted August 15, 2017 Day 2: Golden Chain Kingdom As rough a start as the trip had, it instantly got a whole lot better. I was headed to the home of the world’s tallest roller coaster! The park was having a Season Passholder Appreciation weekend that Friday-Sunday, with ERT and discounts on food and merchandise. As a Six Flags St. Louis Gold passholder, I was allowed to participate in the ERT, just not any of the discounts. Makes sense; my pass gets me parking and entry into all parks, but all other perks are at St. Louis only. Fine by me, the ERT is the important part anyway. I'm ready for a block party! Look at all those parking lot coasters! Really nice entrance I love the look of this Ferris wheel. Maybe I just missed them, but I didn't see any actual Spyro prizes at the Spyro mania. On Friday the ERT was on Nitro and all the Movietown rides, so I proceeded directly to Nitro. I purchased an all-day movable fluffy bunny (I love that Six Flags does this—much better system than Cedar Fair has), and prepared to board the first ride of the day, and certainly one of the best. I rode front and back, and I found each to be a bit different. I thought the first half was a little better in the back and the second half a little better in the front. This is a top tier coaster, and one of the best I’ve ever been on. Woohoo! ERT time! Ready to ride some Nitro! Best corrugated metal theming I've ever seen. Batman, Dark Knight, and Justice League are just the same as their Midwestern counterparts, which is a great thing in the case of Batman and Justice League, and a very bad thing in the case of the Dark Knight. Oh well, thanks to ERT, I didn’t wait for it at all. I will say that I appreciated Batman’s queue being able to be shortened in the park section, and that Dark Knight still used the pre-show room here. As for Justice League, this version gets rid of the single rider line in favour of a 1-2 rider line—not an upgrade. Walking to the Bull now, and I just had to take this picture of the park's two best attractions. I'm not quite ready to become a cultist just yet. Once the park officially opened, I headed straight to El Toro and witnessed the mass of humanity headed straight to Superman, Green Lantern, and Kingda Ka, while no one went to Toro. I was one of like 4 people on the ride for the first little bit and got several rides on it. Ooh, getting close now! Beautiful coaster. Best in the park. It's cute how Six Flags attempts theming. E for effort guys. Phew, tough decision. I was going to ride Kingda Ka, but there is that outlet mall only 2 miles away.... It was now time to ride the king of all…er…da kas? I don’t know. What I do know is that this is a fearsome kingda, and that people love to argue about putting their stuff in a fluffy bunny. Seriously, I went over to the ride and threw my stuff in my all day rental and then got into what I thought was a line spilling out of the actual queue. No, it was about 40 people with about 20 backpacks each arguing with the poor employee who had to tell them verbally what 200 signs along the path had already told them: Put your stuff in the fluffy bunny. It’s bad enough that people can’t be trusted not to be launched 400 feet in the air at 120 miles per hour while trying to film the thing on their crappy cell phone camera so they can show the shaky video to their crappy friends. No, these people are arguing for the right to do so. People are stupid. Anyway, the ride itself is great. I rode in the front row, because I didn’t fly a thousand miles to ride in the second row. It was an awesome experience, and really about the same as Top Thrill Dragster. If there are any differences at all, they weren’t enough for me to notice. Great ride, mistreated employees, stupidly long walk to get to it. Speaking of stupidly long walks, I hit up Zumanjaro next. It was one of only a couple of rides with a single rider line, so I took advantage of it, and it saved me 1 cycle. Eh, worth it, I guess. The ride is very similar to Lex Luthor at Magic Mountain, and has a spectacular view from the top. Parachutin' Next up was the Parachute Drop. Now you might say that was a really dumb thing to do right after getting off Zumanjaro, but if you say that, I daresay you didn’t read part one of this report. After that brilliant display of decision making skills, nothing else I did this trip was remotely dumb by comparison. Anyway, the parachutes were great. Loved it. Two members of the Justice League! On to Green Lantern and Superman. The only stand up coaster I had been on up to this point was Riddler’s Revenge, which I really liked, so despite the hate it gets around here, I decided to give it a try. It wasn’t bad, but it just wasn’t that great either. I used the same seat trick I did on Riddler’s, so the seat was well below me and I didn’t experience any pain. I just…didn’t really care about the ride. Maybe that’s the worst thing that could possibly be said about an amusement ride. Superman was much better. I appreciated the hard restraints instead of Great America’s vest style. As I went up the lift, the ride was stopped while an operator went to retrieve a guest’s cell phone. So I am now officially 2 for 2 on Superman ride stoppage. Can Georgia make it a trifecta? Yay for skyrides! These circus tent structures were pretty cool. While not the best western-themed area ever, Frontier Adventures did offer plenty of fun. Oh no, a sign of doom. Yep. No flumage today. Three fantastic rides. I could put it off no longer. I had to do the Safari. I am so glad they made this a ride rather than a drive-through experience, because there was no way I would have driven a rental car through an area with wildlife. It was a great attraction; there are so many species, and most of them are freely roaming around you as you ride through the middle of the enclosures. Woohoo! My truck awaits! Most animals were hanging out in the shade. I don't blame them; it's hot today. Mmm...bison. A whole herd of bison and deer. Oliphaunts! Pregnant zebra! These water buffalo know how to spend a hot summer day. I don't remember what these are called, but they have a big white circle on their butts. That ostrich was having none of it from the circlebutt donkey. Antelopes just antelopin'. The giraffes did not get very close to the vehicle, preferring to stand in the shade. Smart giraffes. Halfway through, there’s a spot to stop off and smoke in a children’s playground. No, I’m not kidding, the smoking area is actually in a f*cking playground. Because New Jersey. Anyway, there are a few reptiles you can see in glass cases, which is exactly how I prefer to see reptiles. There’s also Cheetor from Beast Wars! It's Cheetor from Beast Wars! Hello. Sorry about the glare--the lighting in here was not made for photography. Trust me, this is the best photo of this snake. Yep, that's actual toilet paper. Yeah, they've got one of those Little Tikes roller coaster things as an enrichment item. Hmm...waste management in New Jersey.... Getting a serious Sopranos vibe from this. Back on the tram, it was time to see some carnivores! Lions, tigers, and bears—but no George Takei. One bear walked right up to our tram and got uncomfortably close. Good thing we’re about 30 feet off the ground in this offroad adventure vehicle! Mmm...yummy asphalt! More animals resting in the shade. No matter how big the cat, they all love to lie around in high places. Now for the bear exhibit. Nothing between us and the bears, it's kind of eerie. This guy was just walking down the tram road. No big deal, just driving by a bear. Cool albino peacock. These bear cubs have their own enclosure, and will be introduced into the general population soon. Rhea, a cousin of the emu. Kangaroos just chillaxin'. Yup, that's a cat. This guy isn't actually part of the safari, just hanging out in the woods. Once the safari ended, it was time to finish up the last few rides. I started with Bizarro, which I liked a whole lot. It did of course have that B&M bounce. Bizarro want you ride coaster now! Next up was Mine Train. I’ve said this many times, but Thunderation at Silver Dollar City was my first big coaster. That has the unfortunate dual effect of endearing me to mine trains, but none of them ever measure up to Thunderation, so I’m always disappointed. It was finally time for the Skyride! I love these things, and I don’t have any near me at all, so it’s always special to get on one when I travel. When I got off, I headed straight for Skull Mountain for my cult initiation. I entered the mountain, which looks conspicuously like a corrugated metal building with a skull puking a waterfall. The queue quickly immersed me in the theme of this ride, which is of course Takis. Like seriously, I’ve never seen such gratuitous marketing. Even by Six Flags standards, this is pretty taki. I headed straight for the back row. Some demon, cleverly disguised as a child, was tempting me that I could get on faster if I would go in the second to last row, but I resisted and rode in the very back. This ride is so horrible, but holy crap that airtime. It comes out of nowhere, completely unexpected, and jolts you out of the seat. This coaster is otherwise so ridiculously crappy that the airtime completely stands out. My god, a ride that has LED lights straight out of a Party City catalogue and royalty free metal music has no right whatsoever to that kind of airtime. But it does, and it’s horrifically awesome. Next up was the Joker. I was able to use the single rider line, and I was excited to try one of these 4D S&S coasters, but it just wasn’t very good. I kept hitting the back of my head on the seat every time it flipped. Interesting concept, but poor execution. Probably the biggest disappointment of the day. Cleanup time—a quick stop by Justice League, then on to Houdini and back to El Toro. Okay, finally time to check out the Justice League ride. Nice big plaza. No trees. Building looks much the same as the others. This is different though. Honestly the way they do this is not as great as the straight up single rider lines. I started to go back over to El Toro, but I had to stop here. I taught I taw a puddy tat. I did! I see a puddy tat! Wight next to the most Jersey stiltwalker ever! Had to stop in on the way for Houdini too. Such a cool ride, loved the preshow too. Gotta love these gargoyles. This birthday cake and ice cream plaza is pretty cute. The lakefront is beautiful too. Time to relax at Macho Nacho before bullriding some more! After El Toro, I headed over to meet up with Bill and Brit for some night rides. No photos of them, though, so I guess you have to trust that I met them. I didn't get any cheesesteaks here. There are better steaks to be had in the city. Stay tuned to this report for more on that subject. Skyscreamers are always good rides, but I've got one near me, so I opted to skip it for more Nitro and El Toro. No regrets. It was around now that Bill and Brit arrived and texted me that they were going to Justice League. I didn’t really want to ride that again, and besides, that would make us a group of 3 and significantly increase the wait time, so it wouldn’t be a good idea to join them just then. Instead, I hopped in the queue for El Toro. I got off right before they got on Justice League, so there was enough time to meet them there. Obviously, they didn’t recognize me by sight alone, so I went up to them and introduced myself. Bill knew me from the forum, but Brit didn’t. She’s Internet famous, so I did my best not to be too creepy despite the fact that I, a perfect stranger who lives over a thousand miles from them, know details about their vacations. Ah, Internet forums, what would we do without them? We rode Nitro in the back row, which was even better than when I had ridden it that morning. It’s a special kind of magic that makes all roller coasters better at night, but Nitro is especially good after dark. We then proceeded over to El Toro, and how else to get there but the Skyride? El Toro is maybe not quite as good a night ride as Nitro, but it’s still a hell of a way to end a day at Great Adventure. Overall, this is a fantastic park, maybe the best in the Six Flags chain. It’s certainly neck and neck with Fiesta Texas. It does of course have some of the Six Flags annoyances, with adverts everywhere and silly rules like having to put your stuff in a fluffy bunny that the park also charges you for. But if you know that stuff going in and accept it, then this park delivers a ton of fun. It’s the only Six Flags park other than Fiesta Texas that I would want to visit again. All the rest, even Magic Mountain, I may hit up if they got something new, but Great Adventure is fantastic as it is, and I would go back there now. It wasn’t my favourite park on the trip (stay tuned to see what is), but it is very, very good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genx24 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Nice report. Great Adventure is my home park, so it is always nice to see the park from the perspective of a first time visitor. Sorry to hear you didn't enjoy Joker. It is my second favourite coaster in the park, after El Toro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThemeParkJunkie51290 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Awesome report! I have to make sure I visit this park in 2018! It's a "bucket list" park I'm ready to check off! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boldikus Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Great update with some fabulous photos. Can't wait for more. Oh, and welcome to the Cult! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PKI Jizzman Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Great report! Everything you talked about sells me on why it's one of the best parks in the chain. They have so many coasters I tend to forget about Bizarro, Mine Train, Joker.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coasterbill Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 Great report! It was great meeting up with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max_power2007 Posted August 15, 2017 Share Posted August 15, 2017 thats really beautiful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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