Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

Sidenote, sweet zombie Jesus, is this not THE best amusement theme park site you've ever witnessed? http://www.unclebernies.com/

/ "We are open all holidays and spring and summer brakes"

Is it bad to be surprised that they didn't have a crappy mini golf course here?

Awesome report! I went here once as a kid when I lived in Florida...we never went back!

Great report - and the references to my favourite-Bond-film-with-my-least-favourite-Bond-theme were the icing on a very seedy cake.

Worse than License To Kill?

Have to ask, how much was it to get into the park/drive-in/museum (Oh right, it's FREE)/mall?

$2.00 to park, pay-per-ride (or unlimited ride-all-day wristband for $18.00), everything else is free to get into.

Sidenote, sweet zombie Jesus, is this not THE best amusement theme park site you've ever witnessed? http://www.unclebernies.com/

 

/ "We are open all holidays and spring and summer brakes"

Yes! The awfulness of the website is why we didn't go on our first trip down to that area. Only when Jakizle posted photos right after that did we even realize it was open!

And the best part is, if you call the number listed, it just goes to some poor random chick's voicemail!

wow ! It has been about 9 years since I have been to this fantasmical amazement park, and I am really suprised with all the upgraded theming and "new" rides they have put in. Does anyone know what new ride may be in store for this year, and will it be open this coming late April? I was planning a long weekend at Universal with friends coming in from Ohio, but I may change those plans after seeing this report. I am sure this would make a trip of a lifetime for them. Something they would remember and cherish for years.

Great report - and the references to my favourite-Bond-film-with-my-least-favourite-Bond-theme were the icing on a very seedy cake.

 

Worse than License To Kill?

Definitely! I actually love License to KIll, but it may be a guilty pleasure more than anything. I also think All-Time High from Octopussy deserves a mention for 'poor Bond themes'.

Back to the scheduled topic...

Wow, this park has such an amazing site I might just participate in their "Rewars Program"! Seriously though, the theming and station for the coaster cracks me up! What a quality park. And a Ferrari museum at a flea market?!? WTF?!? The flea market actually looks halfway decent if you're into that kind of thing. Amazing TR!

I LOVE Uncle Bernie's!!!! Sad that every time I end up there, I don't have a cam. I totally need to get there and do a PTR!

Hey Karl, we should do a video here! LOL

Thanks for sharing guys!

Wow....there are no words for that but wow.

I'll pass. Thanks for the pictures guys. But unless I'm with an awesome group of TPR folk, I'm out. This looks like the kind of place where disease happens.

But seriously, you don't need to go here. Yes, we had to go here. But you don't.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

And to think, the place used to have a free circus in there too.....as in elephants, tigers, trapeze acts, the whole nine yards.

I'm sure any longtime South Floridian can remember the term "Free Circus!!" from the countless commercials they used to run.

The flea market actually looks halfway decent if you're into that kind of thing.

I was originally going to include this photo in the update, but it made my soul hurt.

I see that picture and expect a little girl to come running out offering to sell me Chickletts.

I see that picture and expect a little girl to come running out offering to sell me Chickletts.

Horrible flashbacks to my one and only trip to Tijuana as a child.

You an me both. Only for me is was once or twice a month, as I grew up in San Diego.

I was originally going to include this photo in the update, but it made my soul hurt.

Located in the Channelside Bay Plaza shopping center in Tampa, is Splitsville--part restaurant, part bowling alley, and home to....

The World's Largest Bowling Pin

Allegedly.

^ My vote for best and most in-depth Oddventures update yet.

Here is my review of this TR. I liked it.

Here is my review of this TR. I liked it.

^^^ ^^ ^ You guys are the best!

I've been toying with the idea of a 1-photo update since the Smoky Mountain thread, and now I've finally done one. So...yay.

Expect a proper update tomorrow. You may not get one--but, you know, expect one.

Erik, you are so Roadside America-ish.

Cool. Now all we need is an extensive TR of the world's largest bowling ball and we'll be set

The Key West Aquarium is the worst aquarium we've ever been to--because it's tiny, ancient, and funky. Of course, it's also the best aquarium we've ever been to, as well--because it's tiny, ancient, and funky.

The aquarium is in the Mallory Square "tourism-central" area of Key West.

Hey, way to ruin the shot, brat.

Just inside the building is this "maritime history" display.

By far the best thing about this place is the place itself. Which is to say, the building--which I'm pretty sure was built by Battlestar Galactica's Colonials, or at the very least the ancient Egyptians.

Now, take a close look at this photo. What's your first thought? If you're anything like me, it was probably, "Okay, it's not very big, but their thing is touch pools and they have a bunch of them. In fact, the whole middle area is touch pools." But, like me, you'd be wrong. Only the front pool is an actual touch pool. All the low-level pools beyond that are what are technically known as "incredibly dangerous."

Speaking of the touch pool, this is a conch. Looks tasty, don't it?

Me, I would have painted a mural of swimming fish. But sure, dudes unloading crates of dead fish from boats is cool, too.

"Hey baby, got any eggs you need me to carry around for you?" *wink, wink*

"I found that joke offensive, thank you very much."

Yes, it's the true mark of thoughtful animal husbandry, inviting your guests to shine a flashlight into sleeping animals' eyes!

"I'd really rather you didn't."

There's a guided tour if you wish. Which is funny because the entire aquarium is, like, 8 feet long. Honestly, the place is so small that there's no real way to *avoid* the tour once it gets going.

This middle pool contain sea turtles and stingrays, by the way. Which aren't really that dangerous, I guess. Still, most places try to make barriers that are higher than your center of gravity.

Here's what I learned from the tour: The reason this turtle is so ugly is because it has scoliosis. No, seriously. I didn't know they could get that, either. But don't worry, the aquarium is working on making the turtle a nice vest it can wear.

Hey, what's in this pool?

Holy crap!

Oh, by the way, don't put your hands in there.

Now, I know you really want to pet a shark, so don't worry: One of the employees will just haul one up out of the water for you to pet.

"Dude, that chick just totally pulled one of the sharks out of the water! It's dying!"

"Go ahead. Pull me out of the water."

There is slightly more to the aquarium than just the main building. In fact, there are two seperate outdoor areas. This is the one for midgets.

(Okay, okay--the archway isn't actually as low as the photo makes it look.)

Ladies and gentlemen, fish *outside*!

Smisty spots something out of sorts....

"Um...I'm not a fish. Or even a mammal. I'm a bird. Can you, um, let me out now?"

"Dude, relax. We got a good thing going here!"

This is a weird photo. But then, the Key West Aquarium is a weird place.

"Hey, thanks for the mulch, toolbags! It's just like back home in the swamp!"

The second outdoor area, unsurprisingly, is also weird.

"Hey, wait a minute! 'Turtles bite'? Fudge you! Humans bite! Oh...wait, you meant...? Oh, yeah, okay, we do do that. Sorry."

Most times I just stare at the photo until a caption comes to me. But that's not working in this case.

There you go, a little glimpse into my "process."

Turns out that door isn't really supposed to be open.

Hey, that's cool, a touch pool in a row boat.

"Hey, this isn't a touch pool! But they only put up two little signs! And they never even come check on us! It's...it's horrible!"

A conch display. Delicious conch.

Now, hang on here. Are we seriously to believe that the Key West Aquarium is inviting us to put our mouths on this thing?

An overview of the back area. I kind of get the feeling that this used to be the front entrance, though, based on the sign.

Heading back in, looking down the length of the building.

The educational portion of this update. Yeah, I know you're not gonna read it. Let me just summarize: It was the Great Depression, so the government sent a bunch of hobos down to Key West to paint stuff. Ta-da!

The Goliath Grouper waves goodbye.

"Look kids, it's Nemo! And he wants us to leave!"

The Key West Aquarium: Terrifyingly awesome!